


A Mutually Beneficial Arrangement

by 1940spectrum



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, F/M, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-09-13 07:36:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 25,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9113017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1940spectrum/pseuds/1940spectrum
Summary: "We get married, I get the promotion. You get the money to pay off your debts." Business man Bellamy Blake desperately wants the position of CEO, something he will need the help of doctor Clarke Griffin to obtain. He proposes they fake a relationship, and in return, he'll pay her. But at what point does the charade become real?





	1. Chapter 1

As I drive across town, I wonder just what in the hell I'm doing. I receive a random call from a stranger asking to meet me and I just decide to follow through? Why could I have thought this was a good idea?

My mind is now playing out twenty different scenarios of how things could go wrong. I imagine my body being found in the dumpster, clippings from a newspaper about a stupid woman who decided to meet a stranger who was planning on killing her.

I shake off my overactive imagination and rationalize the situation. He wouldn't have asked me to meet him in a restaurant, presumably full of people if he was planning on hurting me.

Besides, the man said he had a deal that could benefit me. That's what I was doing this for, curiosity at what he could possibly offer me.

I walk into the cafe I was instructed to meet him at and realize I have no idea who I am looking for. All I know is his name, Bellamy Blake. I inspect the people sitting at the table. No one seems too suspicious, although you can't always tell.

"Miss Griffin?" I spin around as I hear my name being called. The source of the noise is coming from a table for two, so I walk cautiously closer and get a better look at who I presume to be Bellamy Blake.

He appears to be slightly older than I am, perhaps 28. He has flawless olive skin and dark curly hair, and a face like an angel, and from what I can tell, his body is just as handsome. I'd be lying if I said I didn't find him very attractive.

He is also dressed very formally in a suit and tie.

I look down at my sweater and leggings; I hadn't realized this was that serious of a business meeting.

"Alright, what is this all about?" I ask as I sit down.

Mr. Blake folds his hands. "I'm sorry if the circumstances of us meeting made you feel uncomfortable. The utmost secrecy of this is very necessary as you will see." What is he on about? Some sort of spy mission?

"First, let me tell you a little about myself; it will give you a more accurate picture." I nod, as Mr. Blake continues, lowering his voice. "I consider myself married to my work. I am incredibly dedicated, and I put as much time as I possibly can into it. I don't care much for money, even though I have plenty of it, and I'm not interested in having a relationship. It is my goal to be CEO of the company I work for and eventually conglomerate it with several other companies."

He looks carefully at me to make sure I am catching all of this. "I recently found out that at the end of next year the current CEO will be retiring, but I will be looked over as a replacement because they want a "family man" type of person. They need someone who not only is dedicated to their work, but also their personal life."

He glances at me to see if I understand where he is going with this. Realizing that I don't, he continues. "If I lose this chance for CEO, I might have to wait twenty years till the next one retires. I can't let this opportunity pass me by." His voice gets quieter.

"I think we can both benefit each other. If we get married-" My eyes widen and I choke briefly on my water. He notices my outburst, but ignores it. "I will no doubt receive the promotion, and I will pay you a considerable amount of money per month we must fake a relationship."

At first, I'm not sure how to react. Can he be serious? I cross my arms. "Is this some weird form of prostitution? Paying me to be married to you?" Mr. Blake shakes his head. "Of course not. From the outside, our relationship may look like normal, but it will be strictly business. No sexual relations."

"What makes you think that I of all people would do this? How in the hell did you even find me? I don't even know who you are." He gives me a calm look. "I happen to know you through my work. Last year you were the one who came to give the company physicals. When I was faced with this predicament, I started digging into who would be a viable option for helping me, and I recalled you."

I scoff slightly. This man seems like a total robot, not to mention a little creepy. He leans closer. "I happen to know that you have a substantial amount of debt. Med school isn't cheap, huh? Especially when you aren't in as high of a pay grade as you thought you would be." His words don't seem threatening, but somehow concerned.

"We can mutually benefit each other." He looks very desperate at this point. "We get married, I get the promotion. You get the money to pay off your debts." I sit back in my chair. I can't believe I'm actually considering this. Is is completely reckless of me to consider a marriage simply for the money?

"Fine."

"You'll do it?" Mr. Blake practically leaps forward and hugs me.

"Whoa, calm down. I didn't say that." I cut him off. "I'll consider it. Give me a couple days to think it through." I give him my phone and he puts his number in. "I'll call you when I've decided."


	2. Chapter 2

Three days later, I find myself calling Bellamy. I don't have much time to collect my thoughts as he picks up on the second ring.

"Miss Griffin? Have you decided?" His voice is very anxious, I can tell. This is obviously very important to him.

I bite my lip.

"Not quite." I think through all I want to say. "I want to see it all written down, on paper. Documents, licenses, the nitty gritty details. I want to see your plan. I'll be able to give you an answer then." I can only make a decision once I see it all laid out. How else am I supposed to see just what he expects out of this deal? It's important we're on the same page. And, I also want to know that this won't come back to bite us later.

He pauses. "Alright. When's the soonest we can meet?" I check the time, and consider my plans for the evening. It's only 5:30, and all I was planning on doing tonight was watching reruns of Criminal Minds.

"Will tonight work for you?"

"I'll be over in a hour." He replies eagerly.

"Bring wine." I add as an afterthought right before I hang up. There is no way I can deal with this completely sober.

Bellamy Blake shows up exactly on time with an expensive looking bottle of chardonnay in one hand, and a briefcase in the other. "Come on in." I say halfheartedly. As he as already shown, he has full knowledge of my financial situation, but it's still a little embarrassing to have him at my sparse apartment. He steps in and gives the area a once-over, but thankfully doesn't comment. I'm sure it's much below his standards.

"I'll go get some glasses." I quickly walk out of his sight and into the kitchen. Only after rummaging through my cupboards do I realize I don't even have wine glasses. Well, I suppose we'll have to make do. I return back to the living room with two of my nicer glasses, and find Bellamy sitting awkwardly on my threadbare couch. He takes the cup gratefully and pours us both a sizable amount.

"So, you have all the paperwork?" I ask as I savor the taste of the white wine. He nods, setting his glass down.

"Where do you want these?" He asks awkwardly, obviously noticing the distinct lack of a table.

"Just spread them out on the floor." It's not like there's any other option, and I think it'll be a funny to watch the serious man in his serious suit on his knees like a child. Carefully opening the briefcase, he sets a whole slew of papers out on the floor. Contracts, alimony agreements, transfer of funds, an official looking timeline, wedding plans, and countless other minor details. I sit down on the floor beside him.

"Damn. You really put a lot of time into this."

He gives me a serious look. "I care immensely about what I do." I raise my eyebrows. "I'll say." I pick up a paper that talks exchange of funds.

"Okay. I'm a doctor, I don't know what in the hell this stuff means. Walk me through how this will work. Explain what all will be required and what I will get in return." I ask, facing him.

Despite his position on the floor, Bellamy still manages to be stoic and professional. "We will set up an entirely fake relationship. Act like we've been dating, go on dates, etc. We'll let it gradually seep into our lives, casually mention it to friends, family, coworkers. After a decent amount of time, I'll propose to you. Then, a few months after that, we will get married. It will be completely real in everything but our feelings towards one another."

I scrunch my forehead slightly. It all just seems so crazy. Wasn't I just saying a week ago how I wasn't planning on getting married for awhile?

"The basic payment will be five thousand dollars per month, I'll put it into a secure offshore account until the marriage is absolved and it can go into yours without seeming suspicious." My eyes widen. That's a whole lot more than I make right now.

He continues. "In addition, everything you receive during our relationship will be yours to keep. I'm sure there will be more than one occasion where it would be appropriate for a doting husband to get his wife an expensive gift. Of course, also when we are married you will be free to use my bank account so long as you don't go shopping-spree happy."

The words are out of my mouth before I even have another chance to think about it. "I'll do it."

Bellamy looks at me, making sure I'm serious. "Thank you. It means the world to me." I nod. It's not like this isn't a game changer for me too.

"So how long have we been dating? How did we start dating? What's the story we're going with? " I pull out the timeline paper. "This gives a very cut and dry perspective on our relationship. We're going to need to have details; people will ask." I give him a pointed look. "Well?" For once, he doesn't seem so sure.

"I hadn't really thought of that." He answers sheepishly.

"Okay." I sit back against the couch and take a long sip of my chardonnay. "We first met when I was giving physicals at ArkTech. We somehow hit it off and exchanged numbers. Shortly after, though, I started dating someone and you and I fizzled out. Then, at the end of last year I had a bad breakup, and we started casually talking again. We went out a couple times and became official today."

I look up to see Bellamy studying my face. "How much of that was made up?"

I brush him off. "That doesn't matter. What matters is will you be able to remember that?" He nods. "Yeah."

I smile as much as I can muster. "Good." I gather up all the documents and give them back to him. "You'll need to make sure no one ever sees these. Get a safe and keep them in it or burn them. This would ruin us."

I feel suddenly very empty. "Are you sure what we're about to pull is right? We have to lie to everyone." Bellamy stands up as he places the papers in his briefcase. "We're doing this for us, Clarke." I don't miss that this is the first time he has used my first name. "We're not hurting anyone, in fact we are helping each other. It's not wrong, it's just unorthodox." As he says these words he heads toward the door. "It's going to be alright."

I shut the door behind him and hope he's right.


	3. Chapter 3

The following Friday after Bellamy and I "became official," he calls and asks if I want to go out that night. I accept, naturally. I mean, could I really say no? Besides, it means I don't have to figure out any dinner plans. He tells me that we're going to go to a fancy Italian restaurant, I should wear something nice, and he'll pick me up at 8:00.

I pull out one of the only nice dresses I own, a little black number with a sweetheart neckline. I smooth it over with my hands and recall the last time I wore it. I was so blissfully unaware then. I was happy. That was before I had to wear this dress for reasons other than dates or fun events. Managing to shake myself out of mournful nostalgia, I slip on a pair of black stilettos.

 

True to his word and character, Bellamy shows up at my door exactly at eight. He kisses me softly on the cheek, and guides me to his car.

The ride to L'àncora is almost uncomfortably quiet. I attempt to think of something to say, or some way to connect with him, but he doesn't seem like he really cares much about us being friends. This is very much a business transaction to him. This worries me though, if we can't connect in private at all, how will we be able to fake affection in front of many others?

"So, Clarke, how is your work at the hospital going?" Bellamy smiles at me, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. I finish off my small bite of Alfredo and dab my lips with a napkin. "Fairly normal." I pause. What else am I supposed to say? Nothing odd has happened in the past week.

"Last night a man got in a bar fight and had a bottle smashed over his head. I spent the night picking out glass and then stitching him up." He nods thoughtfully. "That must have been tough." I shrug. "I'm licensed enough to be doctor, but they have me doing things a nurse could." There is a slight hint of bitterness in my voice, but Bellamy doesn't really pick up on it.

"How was work for you this week?" I take a slice out of my chicken. Dear God, we sound like such an awkward couple, I hope none of the waiters are listening to our conversation. "It's been good." He says, taking a sip of wine. "The usual." I am going to knock myself out.

On the way out of the restaurant, Bellamy suggests we go back to his apartment. "It'd be best if you got used to it, you'll be spending lots of time there. You know, keeping up appearances." I nod, I guess that is something I'll have to get used to. "Yeah."

He lives in one of the swankiest buildings in the Upper West Side, and he has the penthouse. When he said he didn't care about money, I didn't realize that meant he was super rich. We take the elevator up to the top floor in silence, but I can see the slight bit of pride behind his eyes. He may not care about things, but he does care about status, and this apartment is clearly a sign of it.

The door opens to a full kitchen; a stovetop, oven, refrigerator, even an island. I think of my small kitchenette. This I could definitely get used to.

Straight from the kitchen is the living room, and it is certainly a stellar one. I walk, star-struck into the sunken-in area. It has two gorgeous couches forming a 'v' that face the huge bay window. The view overlooks the city, and I realize just how far up I am. The people going by look so small and insignificant.

"Would you like to see the rest?" Bellamy ask, interrupting my thoughts.

"Uh sure."

To the right is fully furnished guest room - where I assume I will stay when I sleepover - and a bathroom. To the left, oh man, to the left though, is the crown jewel of this apartment: the master bedroom. The room itself is huge, complete with a king-size bed that has bed posts and curtains. It leads to a walk in closet, one that I realize is mostly full of suits as I paw through it. The closet also connects to a full bathroom, the kind that has a bath and a shower. I feel like a kid in a candy store, amazed with everything.

"I can't believe you live here." I mutter out after the tour. Bellamy shrugs. "It's not really a big deal." I scoff. "Yeah, okay." I look around. "You've seen my apartment. Don't pretend this isn't amazing." Everything even matches nicely.

"Did you decorate this yourself?" For the first time, he laughs. "No, my sister. She wanted to make sure things looked nice in case I had guests." I sit down on the couch and pat the spot next to me. Bellamy reluctantly sits down.

"I think we need to do a review of today." He raises an eyebrow, apparently not understanding what I mean. I roll my eyes. "You don't seriously think our first date went well, did you?"

He makes a noncommittal noise. "Bellamy, we could barely even make small talk. We don't know anything about each other."

"I suppose." I nod excessively. "Uh yeah!"

I pick at my nails slightly. "Look, I just think we need to get to know each other better, get more comfortable with each other."

"Alright."

A hour and a half later, we've quizzed each other on any possible thing we could think of. Favorite color, movies, music, books, hobbies, high school experiences, even briefly exes. Thankfully we don't dig too deep into that, because I don't really care to dig into the history of wrong guys and girls.

But I learned that Bellamy has a major obsession with history and mythology, and it's one of the only hobbies he has besides work, that he has one sister, and that he never knew his father. He likes listening to classical music because it helps him focus, and his favorite color is green.

After getting to know each other a little better, I know what I think we should do next.

"Bellamy?" I ask, looking down at my lap.

"Yeah?"

"I think we should get our first kiss out of the way now." I glance over to see his reaction, which is neutral like normal.

"We're bound to have to do it in public sometime, so I think it'd be better to have a little practice now." I explain myself, trying not to sound awkward. God, I'm just doing it for the sake of the charade.

"Okay." His answer takes me by surprise. I suppose he would do anything to help us stay airtight.

We both look up at each other and there is a beat of silence until we both lean forward. There is a moment of bobbing and weaving, until Bellamy just grabs my face and plants one on me.

The kiss is soft, and surprisingly tender. There's not an immediate spark, but I don't feel like it's something I would hate doing. After all, it's been months since I've been in a relationship, and sometimes I miss having someone to kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

Wait, what? You actually went on a date last night? Like you are actually dating someone? Clarke Griffin, who had sworn off dating is actually in a relationship?" I laugh. "Oh, shut up, Wells. I am capable of having feelings for someone."

There is a pause on the other side of the line. "He must be special, to have changed your mind."

I conjure what I think to be a romantic voice. "Yeah, he really is."

"So, tell me about this Bellamy Blake. What makes you like him so much?" Wells asks, trying to glaze over the moment of slight awkwardness.

I grip the phone tighter. This is the real test, right? To fool my best friend into thinking I'm in love with Bellamy. "He's unbelievably handsome." I gush. "He's tall, has beautiful dark curly hair, and he's muscular too. And always well-dressed." I smirk a little at that. Yes, he's always well dressed; I've never seen him in anything more casual than dress pants and a collared shirt. "But more than, he is incredibly sweet and dedicated. He makes me feel special and cherished, but not smothered. He cares enough about me enough to know I need time by myself."

I can almost hear the smile in Wells voice when he replies. "He sounds great."

"He really is. He's exactly what I need. I wish you could meet him." It kind of sucks that Wells lives across the country. There are times it would just be nice to have my best friend right beside me. I wonder what he would think if he knew the truth. Would he think I was being completely foolish? Probably. Part of me really wants to tell him. It's hard to keep secrets when we are so close.

"Maybe I will when I visit for Christmas." His statement is a test, I can tell. He's curious if I think this will be long term as it's only July now, "Yeah, of course!" I plaster a smile on regardless that he can't even see me. "I'm sure you would get along well."

I hang up the phone and take another sip of my coffee. Thankfully I still have another 20 minutes of break till I have to get back to work, but after that I have five more hours of checking up on patients, changing sheets, and administering medicine. Pulling the late shift is not a fun time.

Raven Reyes, the woman in charge of maintaining the hospital's equipment, pops her head into the break room. "Your boyfriend is here." I blink for a second. "Bellamy's here?" Raven smiles. "Yeah. Brought you food or something." She lowers her voice. "Why didn't you tell me you were dating a hot piece of ass? Damn girl, I'm jealous." I laugh. "Just send him in."

Half a minute later, Bellamy saunters in and I stand up to greet him. He kisses me softly on the cheek. "Hey Clar." "You came to see me?" He shrugs. "You mentioned having a late work night tonight, so I brought you some of those power bars you really like and orange juice." I am taken aback for a second. "Thanks."

The next couples weeks pass without incident. We go on several more dates, always to fancy places of course, and things become slightly less awkward. Bellamy becomes a little less stiff and formal, and I feel more comfortable around him. Which is good, because tonight is going to be the first night I spend the night at his apartment.

We've been dating "officially" for over a month, so it's time that we "sleep together." Part of me wonders just how necessary faking all of this is, but I'm not going to take the risk. If anyone suspects that we aren't really into each other, we're done for.

Instead of going out for dinner, we decide to just get drinks at a local bar and that head back to his place. I am still amazed by the beauty of his apartment, and I just stare at everything for a little while. "Do whatever you need to," Bellamy says. "I'm going to be working on some stuff in my room." I nod, still entranced by the view. "Yeah."

I sit on the couch reading for awhile, and then pull out my laptop and pay some bills online.

After a few minutes of that, I remember that I brought stuff with me, so I grab my bag and head into Bellamy's bathroom. I decided it would be best to foolproof things now rather than later. I clear out one of his drawers and put in some tampons, Advil, a half empty bottle of shampoo, conditioner, a razor, and some other various things like hair ties and birth control pills.

"What are you doing?" I turn around and am shocked to see Bellamy for once in something other than formal wear. He's wearing a plain white shirt and plaid red pajama pants, and he looks absolutely exhausted. "Did you just wake up?" I ask. He sighs. "I fell asleep at my computer. So what are you doing with all this stuff?"

I roll my eyes, surprised he couldn't put it together. "Making sure we keep up appearances. You have a maid, don't you? She would expect to see some of this stuff here."

"Oh right. Yeah. Carry on. I'll just use the other bathroom." He pads back to his room.

The next morning I wake up surprisingly fully rested and ready to go to work. Because we both have to go into work relatively at the same time, we get ready in silence in the various areas of the apartment. After I am fully ready, I head to the kitchen in search of breakfast. I check in the fridge, the cupboards, and even in some of the drawers. Unfortunately, Bellamy does not have a scrap of food anywhere.

I huff over to his room, and knock loudly on his door.

"What? What do you want?" Bellamy asks crossly on the other side.

"Do you have any food anywhere in this bloody apartment?" I am later than I'd like to be as it is, and I still need something to eat. I know what skipping meals does to your metabolism.

The door finally opens. Bellamy stands there shirtless, his hair still dripping wet. I swallow slowly and pry my eyes off of his body. "There is literally no food in your kitchen. Your fridge has maybe three bottles of wine in it, but your cupboards are completely empty. What the hell? What do you eat?"

Bellamy walks to the kitchen, seemingly unbelieving that he doesn't have any food. After searching through and realizing I was right, he looks at me sheepishly. "Sorry. Guess I just haven't gotten groceries in awhile." I roll my eyes. "I'll say."

We stop at bakery on the way to work, and then Bellamy drops me off. Raven and Jasper, another guy I work with, meet me at the door. "So how was he?" They both ask eagerly. I feign ignorance. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You went out with Bellamy last night, and he dropped you off at work this morning. I know you spent the night at his house." Raven persists. "You know, I'm hurt you didn't tell me you were seeing anyone." Jasper pouts. I roll my eyes. "You guys are so dramatic."

Raven grabs my arm. "I've seen that man's muscles and the way you two look at each other. I bet you had crazy hot kinky sex, right?" I bite my lip, how exactly do I approach this?

"I knew it!" She shouts. Apparently I don't really have to.

"Shhhh!" I whisper. "I don't need the whole hospital to know about my sex life." Jasper and Raven dissolve into a fit of squees.

"I'm so happy for you!" Jasper says. I can tell the words that he won't say. I smile. "Yeah I'm very happy too."


	5. Chapter 5

Wait, you actually have a girlfriend?"

"Ah, shut up 'Tavia."

"She must be super low maintenance, because you would be like the worst boyfriend."

"How entirely supportive of you. Thank you, really."

Her voice dances with amusement. "What's she like? Is she crazy? I mean, she must be to be into you."

I roll my eyes. "She's...enchanting. She has this light about her; she just draws you in. I love her. I really do."

Octavia completely buys into it, all the mocking gone from her voice. "God Bell. I didn't think you would ever get serious about a chick. That's awesome."

I pause, then decide to tell her. "I'm going to propose tomorrow." I can hear the shock on the other side of the telephone.

"What the hell? You were this serious about someone, and waited to tell me about her right before you were about to propose?"

"Well, I didn't know if it was serious or not." It's a completely weak excuse.

"Yeah, whatever Bell." She pauses. "Seriously though, congratulations. That's awesome."

"Clarke?" Bellamy is laying out on one of the couches, and I am on the other. It's probably about two in the morning; we went out drinking last night, because it's one of the things we both enjoy doing together. Not much pressure to talk or say anything because our words flow freely.

"Yeah?" My head pounds slightly. I didn't drink that much, but nevertheless, enough to feel hungover.

"Do you want to go to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens tomorrow?"

I snicker childishly. "Don't you mean today?"

Bellamy's hand flops out. "You know what I mean."

I feel a tickle in my throat and cough loudly. "Yeah. I mean, yeah I'll go to the gardens with you tomorrow. Sounds nice."

We fall into a silence just like that, sprawled out on our respective couches still wearing our clothes from yesterday. Just before I drift off I whisper. "I'm glad we're friends, Bell." And I mean it. I do feel like we have somehow become friends. Even if it's a little rocky. "Me too." Bellamy's voice rumbles in return.

The gardens almost seem lit by magic at night. The lighting makes the plants and shrubs glow iridescently and for half a minute, I forget. I forget all the shit that went down Finn; I forget about my damaged relationship with my mother; and I forget that I'm faking my relationship with Bellamy. I feel his heat as he walks by side, and I press my hand into his.

We walk just like that for several minutes. For once, it's not an awkward quiet, just peaceful. We make it to the center of the gardens, and we stand there, looking out at the flowers and the other people. There are parents with kids, other couples walking around, even a group of friends. Life just always continues to progress, doesn't it? We move from one stage to another and nothing stays the same.

I rub my eyes. Obviously I'm getting a little tired if I'm having such deep thoughts. Bellamy turns and faces me, grabbing my other hand,

"Clarke, you have brought sunshine to my life in a way no one else could. You are beautiful, sarcastic, funny, and a caring individual. I-I love you." He pauses, and I can see a small crowd of people watching us. I feel it in my bones; I know what he is about to say. "Will you marry me?" He lets go of my hands, and reaches into his pocket, going down to one knee.

I summon as many fake tears as I can. "Yes! Oh my god, yes!"

After Bellamy and I become engaged, I spend the night at his house. I lay in bed all night looking at my ring. It's absolutely gorgeous, a big sapphire gem with tiny diamonds on the sides, and it was his grandmother's. It's the one thing I will be giving back to him once our "relationship" is over, but I still can't believe he gave it to me. It seems like something you would only want to give to your actual fiance, but I guess we need to keep up appearances. Regardless, it makes everything feel so legitimate, and I realize that I'm about to get married.

I wake up in the morning and immediately head to the shower. Bellamy has several, but I use the main one because all my things are in there, plus it's the biggest one. And besides, he wakes up at an ungodly hour, and already took a shower. It also works out nicely because the closet connects to it, and I have a few things in here, considering the times I spend the night here. I usually go straight to work from here, so it makes sense, not just for appearance sake. I quickly dress in a black pencil skirt and a nice white top and finish getting ready.

As I near toward the kitchen, I smell something delicious. Bellamy is at the stove, in a white tank and sweatpants, cooking what looks like pancakes and bacon.

"You're not ready for work?" Has Bellamy been body swapped? He doesn't usually do things like this. And since when did he just casually wear tanks around his house? And more importantly, has he been working out? His arms look especially toned.

He wipes his hands and hands me a plate. "No, I don't have to be in till later. I thought I could make you breakfast." I smile as I sit down.

"Well, thank you." I wait for him to sit down too, and then we begin eating. "I didn't know you could cook." I say between bites of pancake. Bellamy nods.

"It was something I had to learn when my mother died." I bite my lip. Of course.

"Well this is delicious."

"What time to you have to be at work?" He asks. I look at the clock. It's 7:30.

"A half hour."

"Let me call you a car."

"Uh, 'kay." I have sorta become accustom to his lavish lifestyle, but things like this always surprise me. Granted, it does make sense, I don't have a car, a cab would take too long, and Bellamy doesn't like it when I take the subway, but it sometimes feels so strange. He calls someone quickly, and before I know it, the car is here. I open the door and we kiss briefly. He tastes like syrup and grease from the bacon.

"Have a good day at work, Clar. I'll pick you up?" I nod.

"Alright. Bye babe."

On the car ride over, a weird sort of haze passes over me. The lines are already blurring between fake and real and it's making me uncomfortable.

I spend my day receiving congratulations and gushing about Bellamy. Even some of my patients ask me extensive questions about my fiance. It's a bit tiring actually. I can only repeat the same things so many times before I get very tired of it. How do actually engaged people do it? Thankfully, I have short shift today, and before I know it, Bellamy pops by to pick me.

"Hi babe," he says as he kisses my cheek. I sense the receptionist and a few other nurses watching us. I grab his hand. "Clarke!" Someone calls out. I turn around. "Oh, hi Roma." She smiles over at Bellamy and I. "Is that your fiance?" Bellamy grabs my hand tighter.

"Yes, I am." He answers. Roma smiles brightly. "You guys are so cute. Congrats."

"How was today?" Bellamy asks as we drive away in his car. I shrug. "It was alright. Everyone asked a million questions." He nods. "Understandable. I put a picture of us on my desk today, a couple people noticed and I told them we are engaged. They seemed quite surprised." I laugh, my plight similar.

"Nobody at the hospital said it to my face, but I heard people whispering about it, if I was a gold digger, or if you were mentally handicapped, or covering up being gay, or if I was pregnant." Bellamy shakes his head. "People are so stupid. Obviously we are in love."He says sarcastically.

There is a pause. "Clarke, when I don't have my driver take you, how do you get to work?"

"Umm, I either ride the subway or walk. It's not too far from my apartment." We pull into the specific lot for his apartment.

"I want you to give you one of my cars." Wait, what? Before I have a chance to speak, he continues.

"I have three different cars, and I want you to have one. It's dangerous to walk or take the subway."

I stare at him. Is he serious? Why would he give me a car? That's expensive.

"Bellamy, I can't take one of your cars. It's not right."

He raises his eyebrows. "It's not right that I have two cars I hardly use at all and I want to give you one?" He rolls his eyes. "God forbid I do something nice."

My brows scrunch. "Bellamy, a car is very expensive. It's not something you give to someone you don't really care about."

He looks into my eyes softly. "But I do care about you."

Bellamy's confession of sorts weighs on my mind. That night I end up at my own apartment for one of the first times this week, and I lay in bed thinking. Was it foolish to assume that we could just fake a relationship and no real feelings would come into play? If Bellamy does legitimately care about me, it would feel even worse to get married. I twist the ring on my finger. I can't just marry someone who has feelings for me when I don't have feelings for him. That's leading on, and I won't do that. It wouldn't be fair to him, even if he knows I don't feel the same. It would be like torture, so close but yet so far.

My phone jolts me out of my thoughts. It's Bellamy.

"Hello?"

"God, Clarke, are you mad at me or something?"

I clench my teeth. "No."

He sighs. "Look, I'm sorry if you don't like the thought of me just giving you a car, but I thought we had already decided we were friends."

I pause all the mental processes going on in my head. "You want to give me the car because we're friends?"

"Uh yeah. Friends help each other. Give each other gifts."

I sigh with relief. "Yeah, okay whatever, I'll take the car." Thank god I was just overreacting.

I decide over my lunch break that I am going to surprise Bellamy at work. I know for a fact that he never leaves the office for lunch; he occasionally takes something with him, or skips till dinner. He wasn't kidding when he said he was married to his work. I run by a Chinese restaurant quickly and pick up some takeout and drive over to ArkTech.

The receptionist kindly tells me where his office is, so I easily find it and knock on the door.

"Clarke?" Bellamy hugs me quick and then kisses me hard. "You brought me lunch? That is so thoughtful, thank you." We shut the door to his office and he clears a spot on his desk. We eat while making small talk about our respective days, and Bellamy tells me about the project he's working on right now.

Once we're done, Bellamy kisses me softly, food breath and all. "I'll see you tonight?"

I nod. "Come by my apartment."

I can see eyes around the office watching us, so I grab his waist and pull him close, I give him one last kiss, this one deliberately drawn out.

"I'll see you tonight. Bring the wine."

As I walk toward the elevator, I notice another man come up to Bellamy.

"Is that your girlfriend?" I can hear the smile in his reply. "Fiance, actually."


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke, there is no point in you staying in this apartment." Bellamy came to my apartment with a lot to say and no wine. "Bellamy, I just don't know if I want to give up my space yet. Once I move in, it's unbreakable." He rolls his eyes, giving me a steely look.

"So you are still waiting to give up?"

"I didn't say that. Stop putting words into my mouth." God, for being a fake couple, we sure fight like a real one. "Clarke, you are wasting money on your rent, and we stay at each other's apartments anyway. It would make everything so much easier."

"I understand that. But I like living by myself. I like being able to have my own space."

"Okay, but you would have your own room at my apartment, your own shower, your own closet. Gah, you can have my closet if you really want it that bad." Bellamy reasons.

I sigh softly. "You know we can't do that. We have to keep our things together."

"We have been engaged a month. Just move in."

I shake my head. "I'm not ready. Everything will be so much more compact. I won't be able to escape you." My words are more venomous than I intend.

"My apartment isn't exactly small. There is plenty of room. I will give you your space." Bellamy is so perfectly calm, and I can't stand it. I stand up from my spot on the couch.

"I need some time to think. I'm going to make some tea." I pad slowly to the kitchen, and look at my clothing, trying to take my mind off of things. I'm wearing a pair of comfy sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. Bellamy's hoodie. I don't even know how that happened. I guess I just put it on, not even thinking. I remember being so surprised when I first found it at the back of his closet. I couldn't believe he would own something so unprofessional. Naturally, I immediately claimed it as mine.

I shake it off. It doesn't mean anything. I mean, I guess Bellamy and I are sort of friends. I pour the hot water for myself slowly, and then put an herbal calmer bag in it. He is still sitting on the couch when I return, looking at something on his smartphone.

"I got to go." He says.

"Wait, I'm sorry. I overreacted. You don't have to go."

He shakes his head. "No, work thing. Some imbecile didn't get something done, so I have to go in and finish it."

"You have to finish it? The other guy screwed it up, why do you have to fix it. It's 11:30." Bellamy closes his bag.

"No, I volunteered to. It looks better for me. Remember, I'm trying to get a promotion?" I sight.

"Alright. I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

I haven't talked to Bellamy since last night, so I decide to take my break super early, at 9:00. I pick up donuts at a local bakery for the people in the office, and coffee for Bellamy and I, cause I am sure he will need it.

The receptionist lets me up immediately, and I take the elevator to his floor. I get off and head toward the area where the regular cubicles are.

"Hi guys, I'm Clarke, Bellamy, err, Mr. Blake's fiance. I brought donuts for you." I set them down on a table. "Enjoy!"

I don't have time to see their reactions as I head back toward his office. The door is shut, and the window looking out into the rest of the office is covered by a curtain. "Bellamy." I knock softly. "Bellamy?" I open the door. His head is laying on his desk, a mess of papers set out in front of him. I pull up a chair beside him. "Bellamy." I touch his arm. He jolts awake immediately.

"Uh, what?"

"Here." I thrust coffee in front of him. "Thanks Clar." He take a large sip.

"Long night?" He nods, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah. I stayed here the whole night."

"Oh lord." I scrunch my face. He definitely needs some relaxation, otherwise he's going to overwork himself.

He smiles. "Yeah."

"Look, Bell, about last night-" I start.

"No, look, I understand. I was wrong to push you." He says, taking my hand.

"No. I was wrong. I want to move in with you." He lights up like a Christmas tree.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I can call the movers today. They could move your stuff right now, actually. It's not like you have a lot." I glare at him.

"Sorry, it's true." A smile dances on my lips. "Yeah."

"So, today, yeah?"

"That would be fine. Like you said, it's not like I have a lot. I can probably call off work. I'm sure my boss would let me." Bellamy purses his lips, and looks at his watch.

"You know what, I hate to do this, but I'll call off work too. That way I can help you." I laugh, giving him a light shove

"It's not like you'll be that helpful, Mr. Sleepy."

We both call our bosses and get today off, and then Bellamy calls the movers as we drive to my apartment. I start packing the things I want into boxes, which surprisingly isn't much. There's no point in keeping any of my appliances or furniture, Bellamy has all the things we need. All I really pack is my clothing, keepsakes, books, and other odds and ends.

Altogether, the process only takes about 3 hours. Bellamy calls someone about the rest of the stuff in my apartment, and makes sure it goes to someone who really needs it.

Finally, at about 4:00, all of my things are put in their place.

"See that wasn't so hard." Bellamy says as I collapse on the sofa.

"I'm exhausted." I say, wrapping myself in soft throw.

He plops himself down beside me and ruffles my hair affectionately. I'm about to comment on that action when the phone rings. I wasn't even aware Bellamy had a landline.

"Let me get that." He stands up slowly and walks to the kitchen. I don't hear anything for a full minute, and then he walks back in, looking very serious.

"Who was that?" I ask, his expression worries me. "Your mother."


	7. Chapter 7

Everything seems to freeze, and I breathe heavily. "What did she say?"

Bellamy rubs the back of his head. "She was definitely pissed, but trying to hold it together. Why didn't you tell her we were engaged? I thought you would have."

I sigh and fall back onto the couch. "It's complicated."

He walks back over to the couches and sits by my head. "How the hell did she even find out?" I ask, sitting up,

Bellamy shrugs. "She mentioned something about a coworker congratulating her."

It dawns on me. "Jaha. God, of course. My best friend would have told his dad, and he works with my mom."

"Well she is pretty angry she didn't find out firsthand. She is insisting we visit right away."

I roll my eyes. "She'll get over it." Bellamy raises his eyebrows. "You don't think we should?"

"Bellamy, she lives freaking across the country. In Washington. God. We're not going."

I look up at him, and he is staring back at me, judging my reaction.

"What happened with you and your mother?"

Anger bubbles up in me. "I don't want to talk about it. Why do you think you can just pry into my life? We're not a real anything, remember?"

Bellamy's jaw twitches like he's about to lose it, but he remains composed. He clears his throat. "I just thought you might want to talk about it with someone. But if you don't that's fine."

I soften slightly. "Look, I'm sorry. We are friends, but this is something I don't talk to anyone about. It's too complicated."

He brushes it off. "It's fine. Regardless, I think we need to visit. Money is not a problem, and we can just go a weekend."

"Ughh." I exclaim. I know he is right, but I really don't want to. I haven't been home in over three years, and I really don't want to face...everything. Not just my mom, but other things. There's a reason I've left it all behind.

Bellamy rubs my shoulder gently. "It's going to be fine. She'll be asking me a bunch of questions anyway."

I humph. "I suppose."

Bellamy places our shared carry-on in the overhead storage and takes a seat next to me. I insisted we take coach, but now looking up at those comfy seats in first class, I regret the decision slightly.

"You alright?" Bellamy asks as we take off. "Mmm." I mumble in response. "I'll be fine in a minute." He squeezes my hand gently. I raise an eyebrow at the kind gesture, but say nothing. Just playing the part, right?

I lean back in my seat, and start thinking. When did Bellamy get so goddamn tender anyway? When we first met he was so formal with me; he called me Miss Griffin for like a week. When did that all change? We were sorta friends, but we didn't tell each other stuff. We just hung out a lot and got along well.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

I shake my head. "Nothing in particular. Just stuff." I sigh and shuffle a little in my seat. The flight is only four hours. I have fours till I have see everyone back home. I smile slightly. I get to see Wells, too. That's a positive side. But my mom and my stepfather, I sigh again.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"God, Bellamy you act like you're my mother. I'm fine." I run my hands through my hair. "No. I'm not fine. I don't care to see my mother." He make a sympathetic noise, but doesn't say anything immediately. Probably because I keep biting his head off about it.

"Clarke, I don't know what shit went down with your mom, but you've still got her, okay? I would give anything to have my mom back, even if it was just to fight her."

"Well that's easy for you to say." I pause. "My mom, she got my dad killed." Bellamy's breath hitches.

"Both my parents worked for the state. My dad found out things he shouldn't have, some sort of terrible secret or scandal. He wasn't a bad guy, he just wanted the truth to come out. He thought the people deserved to know. He was about to go public, but my mom turned him in." I shake away the tears. "He went to jail for treason. He had a life sentence, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway." I pause and collect myself. "He had diabetes pretty bad. He needed insulin what seemed like constantly. The guards, well they slacked off. The shipments didn't always come in, and they didn't care. He died alone." My voices catches, and I can't help the tears that are falling freely.

"How long ago did this happen?"

"My first year of college. I wasn't even home."

"God," Bellamy puts an arm around me and rubs my back. "I had no idea. I'm sorry for trying to pry that out of you," I wipe away the tears quickly. "I just don't like to talk about it."

I plaster on a smile. "I'll be fine. Especially with you here." Bellamy does indeed make things easier. I'm not facing it all alone.

As we exit the plane after grabbing our luggage, I take Bellamy's hand. My thoughts are racing, my mother is one thing, but there's another person I'm concerned with seeing again. "Bell, there's another thing I need to talk to you about, just in case. I-"

"Clarke!" Before I have a chance to say anything, I am greeted by the sight of my mother. Bellamy grips my hand tighter. She pulls me into a hug. "And you must be Bellamy." She hugs him just as vigorously.

"Mother." I say calmly. She smiles brightly. "It's great to see you." I nod slightly in reply. I won't honestly agree. She senses the tension, and tries to glaze over it.

"Bellamy told me what time your flight was landing, so I thought it would be best to pick you up. Marcus wanted to come, too, he did, but he just couldn't make it."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, okay. I'm sure."

She pauses awkwardly. "My car is out there."

"So Bellamy, what do you do?" After a few drinks, the inquisition has begun. Marcus has joined us as well, and sits judging, which is utterly stupid because he isn't my father. "I work for a company called ArkTech. I am currently logistics manager, but I also dabble in financial and operations when I'm needed."

My mom nods, seemingly appeased. "So how much do you make?" Marcus asks.

"God, Marcus! You can't ask that." I reply immediately. Bellamy feigns an awkward laugh to try to break the tension.

"He makes plenty of money. It shouldn't matter how much." I murmur.

"So how did you meet?" My mom changes the subject. I allow a smile to touch my lips, but before I have a chance to answer, Bellamy speaks.

"Clarke came and gave physicals at my work last year, you know for health insurance. She was funny and bright, and we got along really well. We exchanged numbers, got to know each other better, went on a few dates, and then became official. It wasn't long before I knew she was the one."

My mother squints at us. "It's all rather sudden, don't you think? You've only known each other a year."

Bellamy and I look at each other. "It feels like it's been longer." I smile.

"Are you pregnant?" Marcus asks.

I glare at him. "No."

"Well I'm glad you've find someone." She smiles kindly.

"Bellamy and I are very happy."


	8. Chapter 8

Well we're exhausted. I think we're going to go to bed." I grab Bellamy's arm. "Goodnight."

"Your room is open." My mother calls after us as I pull him along upstairs.

"God, my mother is obnoxious." I say as I shut the door.

Bellamy shrugs. "She cares a lot about you. She's trying to prove it to you." I bite my lip. "I do think she loves me. But I can't. Not after what she did. She didn't give him any chance." I grab the luggage bag and start unpacking our stuff.

"Uhh, Clarke?" I look up. "Yeah?"

"There's only one bed?" I roll my eyes, but then sigh. "Yeah,"

"I'll just take the floor." I start to agree with him, and then shake my head. "The door doesn't lock, and I wouldn't put it past my mother to check up on us throughout the night."

Bellamy's eyes widen slightly at what I am inferring.

"Well, the bed is king-sized. Plenty of room."

He nods a bit hesitantly. "Alright."

We sort of look at each in awkward silence for a moment.

"Can I ask you a question, Clarke?" Bellamy asks hesitantly. "Yes?"

"I've seen your house, both of your parents worked for the government, it doesn't seem like they don't have money, so why were you so poor?"

I run my hands through my hair. "Once everything with my dad happened, I realized that I didn't want to accept handouts anymore. My mom kept offering me money, offering to pay for college and med school for me, but I wanted to make it on my own, and really be free from her. So I made it work on my own."

Bellamy stares at me, stunned. "I had no idea."

I smile weakly. "Yeah." After a moment, I head toward my stuff.

"I need a shower." I say, breaking the silence. I grab a handful of my clothes and rush into the adjoining bathroom. Jet-lag must have me feeling all screwy and weird, because I don't feel right. A deep uneasiness is settling within me, and I can't pinpoint it.

I let the warm water run over me and think how crazy my life has gotten. At what point do you lie so extensively that you are lying to yourself? Massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I consider Bellamy who is probably asleep by now in the other room. He's a good guy, I mean, he's alright. He's attractive, smart. rich. Maybe too obsessed with work, but even that hasn't been that bad lately.

After I dry off and squeeze some of the water out of my hair, I reach for my clothes. "Oh shit. No, dammit." In my haste to get in the shower, I forgot to put them in a safe place away from the water, and so instead they got soaked.

I sigh heavily and wrap a towel around me.

I humph at my computer. That idiot Dax didn't put the files online correctly, so I can't access them to make sure they're right. How am I supposed to fix this from here? The bathroom door opens and Clarke comes out, looking slightly sour. I try my hardest not to notice that all she has around her is a small towel and that she is fresh from the shower and practically dripping wet. I turn back to the computer screen and try to ignore her, but she grumbles under breath to the point where I can't ignore her.

"What's wrong?" I ask, looking up. Her hair makes her look like an angel, all golden and uncontrolled. She gives me a frustrated look. "My clothes got wet." I pause. "That sucks."

She roots through the drawers where I unpacked everything , but while she is doing that, the towel start slipping from it's position. Her breasts are dangerously close from being exposed, and I can't tell if I want them to be or not. She's not meaning to show everything, and I feel as if continuing to watch is taking advantage, so I clear my throat and focus on my laptop.

She eventually finds what she is looking for, and then retreats back to the bathroom. I sigh in relief. She's beginning to make my heart pound faster, and it's not something I can just erase.

Because my normal night clothes have become soaked, I have nothing but an over-sized t-shirt to wear. It's just Bellamy, I tell myself. Not a big deal. I dress as quickly as I can, blow dry my hair slightly, and return to the room. Bellamy is still sitting on the bed, typing on his laptop. He looks up at me, but then back down, not saying anything. "Feel better?" He asks a little distractedly. "Uh huh." I hang my towel and start to hang up my wet clothes. "Why don't I just take these to the dryer?" Bellamy offers. "Really?" I am completely exhausted and don't feel like dealing with anything anymore. He grabs the pile from me. "Downstairs to the left." I inform him.

I find the laundry room with little trouble, and quickly throw the pile in and start the dryer.

"Oh, Bellamy." I turn around, and Mrs. Griffin - or is it Kane now? - is standing there. I summon a smile. "Hi, just throwing some of Clarke's things in here, she accidentally got them soaked." Abby nods and shifts a little like she wants to say something. After a pause, she speaks hurriedly. "Thank you, for everything."

I raise an eyebrow. "What did I do?"

"You brought Clarke back. I know she wouldn't have come back here unless you insisted." I nod.

"She hates me, I know she does. And I deserve it. What I did was unforgivable, I know. I fucked up. I wasn't thinking, I didn't..." She looks at me with such heartbreaking sadness, that I immediately pity her. "I love Clarke, even if she doesn't want me in her life anymore, so I'm glad that you can be there for her. I can see how much you love her. Take good care of her, okay? She's my baby."

In a moment's decision, I give her a hug. "I will."

When I return to the room, Clarke is laying in bed asleep. I change quickly in to my pajama pants and a v neck, and slide into bed beside her. "What took you so long?" She asks, her voice addled with sleep. "Nothing." I push the hair out of her face and settle in. "Go back to sleep."

"So you used to love this place?" Bellamy asks as we walk into the cafe. A smile touches my lips. "I used to come here all the time. It's a great place." He grabs my hand. "I'm excited to try it."

I push open the door, holding in my excitement. My mother hadn't bothered to make breakfast this morning, so I took the opportunity to return to my favorite little cafe while I lived here. The atmosphere was always great, and they make the best apple crumble.

As we enter the cafe, I see a man sitting at a table with his back to us. I doesn't take me much more than a minute to know exactly who it is, and panic sets in. "You know what, Bell, let's go somewhere else. I'm not really in the mood for it anymore." He keeps walking. "What are you talking about? You really wanted to come here." I grab his arm as tightly as I can. "I want to go. Now," He stops and tries to look into my eyes, but my head is down. "Clarke, what's wrong?"

At the sound of my name, the person stands up and walks over to us.

"Clarke!" In the midst of Clarke's freak out session, a man with shoulder-length brown hair walks over to us. Clarke tenses beside me, and I pull her closer. "Who's this?" I ask. The man looks at me as if noticing me for the first time.

"I'm Finn. Clarke never mentioned me?" I smile with faux sincerity. "No."

"How are you, Finn?" Clarke manages to croak out a few words, but her voice doesn't take on her usual amount of strength. He shuffles around awkwardly. "I'm good. I've been good."

She regains a little bit of her composure, and straightens her spine. "How rude of me, this is my fiance, Bellamy Blake." I put my hand on the small of her back as she says this. Finn gives me yet another once over. "Fiance?"

I smile as broadly as I can. "She couldn't keep me away."

I pull her in even closer and she smiles up at me. Finn looks at us uncomfortably. "Well, I'll just leave you to your breakfast then." I look into Clarke's eyes and see she is not okay. "Actually we have a sudden lack of hunger for breakfast foods." I smirk and allow Finn to assume any number of things. "I think we're going to go back home."

On the car ride home, Clarke remains entirely silent, and I don't pry her for information. Obviously that guy was some sort of asshole, and if she wants to talk about him, she will. We quickly arrive back to her mom's house, and she gets out mumbles how she'll be upstairs.

I stand in the entry way in contemplation for a few minutes. Is this the kind of time where she just wants to be alone alone and not talk about it, or where she wants sympathy and a shoulder to cry on? I think of when Octavia used to have boy trouble she usually just wanted to eat ice cream and cry to me about it, so I decide to do just that for Clarke.

After a little bit of searching, I find a freezer full of different kinds of ice cream. "What are you looking for Bellamy?"

Once again, Abby has managed to sneak up on me. I smile sheepishly. "Ice cream for Clarke."

She nods knowingly. "Did she start her period?" I shake my head. "No, we were going to breakfast when we ran into some guy. Finn?" Abby pauses. "Oh god." She shakes her head before I can even form a sentence. "She'll tell you."

She pats me on the shoulder gently and starts to walk away. "And definitely go with the Double Fudge. Best for this type of situation." She smiles sadly and then she's gone.

When I return to the room with a huge bowl of ice cream, Clarke is lying in bed staring off into space. "Bellamy?" She looks up at me when I enter. I smile. "I brought you a healthy delicious breakfast." She laughs quietly and sits up, patting the space beside her.

"I'm a grown ass woman, and yet exes still upset me." She huffs.

"So he was an ex?"

She takes a bite and leans up against the wall. "The worst."

"You don't have to talk about." I don't want her to feel pried for information.

She sighs. "No, you deserve an explanation."

"I've known Finn for awhile. He moved here when we were in middle school and we became friends right away. It was different with him, it was always different. I just sort of knew that we would never really just be friends, you know?" I nod.

"We started dating during my sophomore year, and all through out high school. I really thought I loved him. We - we had sex once, but after that one time, I didn't feel comfortable with it. It had been uncomfortable and I wanted to wait. He acted like it was totally fine, and we continued like normal. We became long distance while I went away to college, but he planned on moving there sometime soon. He was there for me when all the stuff with my dad happened, and I just thought he was the one. During my final year of college, I decided to splurge on a plane ticket and surprise him with a visit." She pauses and exhales.

"His apartment door was open, so I walked in. I walked in on him fucking another girl. He had been seeing her for two years. He was cheating on me for two years." She takes another bite of ice cream.

When my heart starts breaking for her, that's how I know.

I'm beginning to fall for her.


	9. Chapter 9

Clarke spends the rest of the afternoon laying in bed, and I try not to hover over her like a shadow. I know she is going to be fine, but I still worry that she thinks she has to suffer alone. But in a way, I don't know if I can be around her. Cause god. God, I still have to process my feelings for her, and I'm not sure if I actually want to. I know she doesn't feel the same, and damn I don't know if I can marry her when I actually...have feelings for her.

So instead of hanging around Clarke, I find myself talking to her step-dad. "You really like her?" Marcus asks. I smile. "She's everything to me." I falter a little at the almost reality of that statement. He nods.

"But why get married so soon? Abby and I are worried that you are moving too fast." There is actual concern on Marcus's face. He actually cares about Clarke, even though he might take a more tough approach.

"We love each other, and we know we don't want to be with anyone else. There's no reason to wait." I breathe out slowly as I answer. Marcus almost smiles. "I can tell you both are in love. But young people can make reckless decisions, and I don't want you to jump into something and then regret it." I smile, but heart drops a little. I don't know how I can do this to her parents.

As our conversation is coming to a close, Abby walks in. "The Jaha's are going to come over for dinner tonight before you guys leave." That name sparks something in my memory. "Jaha? Wells Jaha was Clarke's best friend, right?" Abby nods. Meeting someone who knows Clarke possibly the best: this will be the real test. Abby looks around real quick. "Is Clarke still upstairs?" I nod slowly. Abby sighs. "Would you try to talk to her? Tell her to get up and take a shower?" I nod.

I knock slowly on the door. "Clarke, honey, can I come in?" I hear a muffled noise, so I open the door. Clarke is still lying in bed, but she's just reading thankfully, not moping. I slowly walk over to her.

"Clarke," I rub her back slightly. "Clarke, your mom invited the Jaha's over for dinner, you should probably get up. They'll be here soon." Clarke mutters noncommittally.

"Clarke." I kneel at the side of the bed. "You gotta get up, take a shower." She sighs. "I know." "Come on." I grab her shoulders. "I just want to wallow a little." She grumbles.

"Clarke, I know that he hurt you, but you are worth so much more than that. Look at you now, you are confident, and beautiful, and talented, and that goddamn bastard doesn't deserve you." She looks me in the eye. "Thank you, Bellamy." She hugs me quickly.

Thelonius and Wells Jaha arrive at a little after 6, and Clarke immediately greets them excitedly. I hang back a little, simply watching her interact. This is what she looks like when she is truly happy. "Wells, I want you to meet my fiance, Bellamy."

"Bellamy! It's nice to finally meet you!" Wells surprisingly pulls me into a hug. "You too." I reply, a little thrown off.

Us three sit in the living room for a little bit while Marcus finishes cooking, and Wells asks us the typical questions. "So you are getting married in 5 months?" "Four and a half, actually." Clarke smiles. "Do you have everything planned out?" She nods. "Yeah, we have a basic idea of what we want, and we have a possible venue lined up." She grabs my hand. "We are thinking something small, intimate."

Wells smiles, and then shakes his head. "I can't believe you are about to get married, Griffin." She smiles brightly. "It's all been a whirlwind."

Dinner progresses fairly normally. Thelonious asks me about my work, and Abby and Marcus seem pretty content for once. Even Wells seems really to like me, and approve of Clarke and I's relationship.

At the end of the night, he pulls me aside quietly. "Look, Bellamy, I wasn't very sure of you at first. But I can tell that you're a good guy who'll treat her right. Finn, Finn really fucked her up and messed with her perspective on relationships, but you make her happy again. I can tell. Thank you."


	10. Chapter 10

Hey, Clarke?" Bellamy's voice carries from another room.

"What?" "Can you come here? I don't feel like yelling." I sigh softly and set my book down on the night stand, the lumber off to find him.

Bellamy is standing in the kitchen, his phone in his hand. "What's up?" He pauses for a moment and takes in my appearance: a pair of shorts I had in college and a sweat shirt that I'm pretty sure hasn't been washed in two months; my hair is up in a messy bun. "Were you planning on getting up at all today?"

I make a face at him, "Shut up, it's Saturday. Not all of us work every day of the week and find the need to be business attire all the time." "Hey!" Bellamy says, defending his choice in apparel, a suit. "I have a meeting in, twenty minutes."

I roll my eyes. "Okay, what did you need?"

"Alright so I'm going to be gone till probably eight, so you'll need to figure out dinner by yourself, or I can pick something up on my way back." I nod. "Yeah okay, I'll text you what I decide."/p

He grabs his briefcase, and phone and starts heading toward the door. "And if you could foolproof the apartment, remember Octavia and her family are coming over tomorrow."

"Right." I make a mental checklist of what will need to be done. He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, and then leaves.

Roughly a half an hour later, after I've made sure there's no trace of Bellamy and I's deception to be found, Raven shows up at the door carrying a pizza. The scent of warm cheese and pepperoni overwhelms me. "Thank God."

"Human Sex Toy is out for the night, so we finally get to hang out." Her tone is playful, a smirk resides on her face. I laugh. "He's good for more than just sex, you know." I smile a little at my ability to immediately lie.

"Regardless," Raven continues, "we barely hang out because you are always doing something with him." Guilt fills me slightly. Raven and I aren't the best of friends, but she is a great, genuine person and I feel bad that it I've ignored her. "I'm so sorry, I haven't meant to-"

Raven smiles widely. "I completely understand. You've been busy planning your wedding and spending time with your fiance. I don't blame you. I mean, I've seen the way you guys look at each other." I pause at her words; the compliment is bittersweet. We're convincing, so we won't get caught, but the fact that we are unsettles me. I know things have been off between us, but I am not sure if I want to just ask Bellamy what's wrong. What if he's getting cold feet or doesn't think I'll be a good fake wife? What if he regrets making a deal?

"You just totally spaced out there. You okay? Thinking about your fiance naked?" I roll my eyes while trying not to blush slightly. "No, just thinking. Do you want to be one of my bridesmaids?"

She squeals excitedly. "Of course!" I smile. "I've been meaning to ask you, I just-" "Have been busy." She finishes for me. "I understand."

A hour later we've broken out the vodka and are somewhat tipsy, laying on the floor in the living room just telling stories and giggling.

"And that's why I really hate birds." Raven finishes. "Oh my god." I say between fits of laughter. "How could that even happen?" "I know, right? One of the worst days of my life." I laugh again, just imagining it.

"So what's being in love like?" Raven asks, sobering up a bit. Oh lord. "It's..." I pause. I'm not actually in love, how am I supposed to explain it? I decide to stick as close to the truth as I can. "It's having someone who always is there for you, to have someone who looks out for your needs even when you don't ask for it." I think of all of the little things Bellamy has done for me like helping me deal with my mom and being there when I saw Finn. "It's never feeling alone, never waking up alone." I pause. That part hasn't been as bad as I thought it could be. Waking up to Bellamy making coffee or sometimes breakfast has actually been really nice. "It's wonderful." I sigh softly.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning I wake up to Bellamy standing over my bed, his hand on my shoulder, shaking me. "Clarke! You need to wake up, Octavia will be here in a hour!" I shake the grogginess of sleep off of me and and sit up. "Geez Bell calm down. We have an hour." He gives me a look and I decide not to fight him on it. "Look, I'll take a shower real quick, get dressed, and then I'll help you and we'll make sure everything is ready." He nods. "Okay thank you. I'll be prepping food until then."

As I climb into the shower, I think about what Bellamy has told me about his sister. She's around my age, married young, and has two kids. She's a personal trainer with a martial arts focus, and apparently threatens to kick his ass all the time. Her husband served in the army, and now he's a sculptor. Lincoln, I think Bellamy said his name was?

Based on the way he talks about her, I can tell Bellamy loves Octavia very much. He did practically raise her, especially after his mom died. I suppose she's all he really has, although I guess now he has me. What will Octavia think when we get divorced? I push that thought out of my mind. That's not really my problem.

I rinse the soap out of my hair, now stuck on the thought of divorce. What will everyone that I know think of it? I've brought them so much joy by seeming to move on and find someone to spend my life with, do I really want to take that away? I pause at the thought of my friends and family hurting for me. I think of how Wells will definitely come to see me, how he'll want to see how I'm holding up. Granted, the story we're going to go with is that it was a mutual decision, but I imagine even then a person would shed a few tears. After all, can you really say you've loved someone if you don't cry a little after they're gone, even if it was your choice?

I step out of the shower and towel off. I guess I'll cross the divorce bridge when I get to it.

After I dress in a casual moss colored dress, I head toward the kitchen to find Bellamy. He's bending over the stove, putting a lasagna in. "Well look who's being all domestic." I try not to notice how attractive he appears from behind or the way his arms look in that shirt. It's odd seeing him in something as casual as a pair of jeans and a basic tee. It's not like I'm into him, a girls just got needs. And after spending so much time with him, it's not like I can just ignore his physique.

Breathe, Griffin, breathe. You have more important tasks at hand, like fooling everyone to think that you are in love with him. He turns around and smiles widely at me. "You look good, Clarke." I smile back. "Thanks. What do you need me to do?"

"Can you go make sure everything is foolproof with the bedrooms and bathrooms? Maybe change the sheets in the spare bedroom since they're going to be staying in there." I nod. "No problem." I turn toward the hallway. "And make sure everything is in order in our bedroom. Octavia's a snooper." He calls before I can move very far.

"Mhmm."

"I'll come and help in a minute after I finish tossing this salad."

I find a set of sheets in the linen closet, and then bring them to the spare room, or the one I usually sleep in. Before I change the sheets, I double check that the room is devoid of anything I could have left in there. Checking all the drawers and the closets, I thankfully don't find anything, which means I was successful the first time. Then I get so focused on stripping the sheets off the bed that I don't even notice Bellamy creeping up behind me. "Want some help?"

I nearly jump at the low rumble in my ear. "Jesus Bellamy. You scared me." He smirks. "Sorry."

"Yeah, here." I toss him the other side of the fitted sheet. "These things are a bitch to put on." We go on opposite sides of the bed and fit the sheets around the corners, our eyes meeting slightly. I almost want to blush at just how damn domestic this is, and it only seems more so because we are doing it in comfortable silence. Once we finish with that, I toss him the other end of the other sheet. "Look at us, making a bed together." Bellamy comments happily. I laugh a little awkwardly. "Yeah, it's kind of weird how sometimes we're like a real couple."

"Yeah." His tone drops, and his expression becomes more serious. "Clarke, do you ever that-" He cuts himself off before he finishes the question. "Never mind." My interest is piqued, what was he about to say?

"What, Bellamy? Do I ever think what?" He shakes his head. "No, it's not important." I decide not to press it, but curiosity still overwhelms me. What could he possibly have been about to say?

We return to silence as we put new pillow cases on the pillows. "Is this room done?" He asks after we finish. It's not that he seems mad at me, but I can't help but feel I did something wrong unknowingly. He's usually somewhat quiet, but now he seems sad? I can't quite put my finger on it.

I nod. "Yeah, it's done."

"Why don't you go check the spare bathroom, and I'll check our room and bath." I nod again and we part ways.

Octavia and her family end up actually being 45 minutes late, during which the whole time Bellamy tries not to seem like he's doing so, but worries frantically. When she does come through the door, her brown hair is up in a high bun, she has bags under her eyes, and a baby on her hip. "Lord, today has been hell." She exclaims.

I take her in a moment, and despite her apparent exhaustion, she is still gorgeous. She's about my height, with the same olive complexion as Bellamy, and very similar bone structure. A moment later, a tall, dark skinned man appears behind her, holding the hand of a young girl. Tattoos cover his arms, but a warm smile appears on his face.

"Of course when we're trying to leave this morning, we can't find the keys, because someone thought it'd be fun to pretend play car and lose them." Octavia explains, and the little girl blushes slightly."And then Ronan got car sick so we had to clean him up, and just ughh it's been rough." Octavia pause in her tale of woe and looks at me, handing the baby to Lincoln automatically. "You must be Clarke, I've heard so much about you." She grins, pulling me into a wide hug.

"And look at you, you're gorgeous. Well done, Bell." She laughs. Bellamy slips his arm around my side. "Yeah, well you should see her in the mornings, not so gorgeous then." He jokes. I shove his side playfully. "Oh shut up." He kisses the side of my head and pulls me in closer to his chest. "You know I love you." I look up into his eyes and smile. "I love you too."

"Do you want to help me grab our suitcases, Bellamy?" Lincoln opens his mouth for the first time. Bellamy releases his grip from me and nods. "Of course." Lincoln hands Ronan off to Octavia, and motions the younger girl forward. Bellamy and Lincoln exit, closing the door behind them.

"What's your name?" I ask Octavia and Lincoln's daughter, crouching down to her level. "Aurora." She answers shyly. Octavia smiles down on us. "I named her after my mom."

"How old are you?" She holds up four fingers. "Wow! You are pretty old!" She giggles.

"Are you going to be my auntie?" She asks. The question is simple, yet I pause at it. Talk about hurting people, here is this little girl excited to be my niece. I can't imagine what she'll think when we divorce.

Before I reply, Octavia crouches down beside us. "Yes, she is going to be your auntie. She loves your uncle Bellamy very much." Aurora smiles and throws her small arms around me. "Good! I like you!"

Octavia and I both stand up, our thighs starting to get sore from crouching. "Have you and Bellamy talked about having kids?"

"Um, we have talked about it." I collect my thoughts; we have not talked about what our story for it was at all. What would our stance be? "And we do know we eventually want kids, but probably in a couple years." A vision of a small child with tanned skin, Bellamy's curly hair, and my eyes flashes in front of me. "You know how Bellamy is, he's pretty focused on his career right now. He already feels bad about how often he has to leave me, he wants to make sure he'll have time for a family when the time comes."

Octavia nods, an ever present grin on her face. "Yeah, that makes sense. Clarke, you have no idea how much you've changed him already." I raise my eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"He's so happy, I could see it the moment I walked in. He has more to his life than just going to work. It's so good for him." I smile a little at that, but guilt continues to seep into the pit of my stomach.

At that moment, Lincoln and Bellamy return, bringing in two medium size suitcases. "We can take these to the spare room." Bellamy directs, and they disappear in that direction.

"I'm going to go freshen up, do you mind taking Ronan?" Octavia asks, following them with her gaze. "Of course not." I smile, taking the chubby baby from her. She strides over to the spare room, and I am left alone with Bellamy's niece and nephew.

"Do you want to go sit down, Aurora?" I point to the sofa. She nods, grabbing my hand as we walk over. "Unfortunately, I don't think Bellamy and I have any kids books here, or I'd read you a story."

"I have one!" She pulls her backpack off her shoulders and roots through it. She pulls out a book that has a princess and a knight on the cover.

"Princess Skye Goes On An Adventure." I read the title out loud. "Have you read this one before?" I ask. She nods fervently. "It's my most favorite!" I adjust Ronan in my arms to better grasp the book.

Just as I'm about to start reading, Aurora exclaims "Uncle Bellamy!" out loud. I turn around and see Bellamy looking at Aurora, Ronan, and I with a fond expression.

"Did you con Auntie Clarke into reading you a book?" He jokes.

"No!" She shakes her head. "She offered to!" He walks forward and picks up her up, then sits down beside me with her in his lap.

"Do you mind if I listen?" She shakes her head, and leans back, resting her head on his chest.

They both listen intently as I tell the tale of Princess Skye, a girl who day decides she is sick of the castle and wants to take a trip to The Great Forest where she has heard there are many exciting things. Along the way, she meets several people, including a jester, another princess, and then a knight who is also going to The Great Forest and asks if he can go with her. At first Princess Skye doesn't want him to, but then she decides that two are better than one, and if they are both going to the same place, that he can come with her. By the time they reach The Great Forest, they are great friends, and they decide they are going to stay there, and not go back to the castle and all the rules.

"And so, Princess Skye and the valiant knight Augustus decided to become just Skye and Augustus and live the rest of their lives in peace and happiness, and most importantly, together."

Aurora claps happily as soon as I say the final words of the story. "Isn't that a good story, Uncle Bellamy!"

"Yeah, 'Rora, it is."

Today has been agonizing already, and it's only 11:00 o'clock.

I can sense how close Clarke is, yet I know how far away she really is. She'll be right beside me, even touching me, but I know it means nothing, she's pretending, going along with the charade, playing a part. And she looks at me like I'm with her on it, like we share a secret.

But the problem is, I'm not longer playing a part.

I look over at her, reading to Aurora in the most goddamn precious voice, holding Ronan in her lap. She looks happy, and I want that with her. The happiness, but also a family.

There's no doubt any more, no question in my mind. I am in love with Clarke.

That's why those moments of pretense are killing me. I can't be so close to her and then when "we're not pretending" pretend I don't care about her. No matter what, one of us is pretending, and it's tearing me apart.

As Clarke finishes the princess story, Aurora requests that she read another, so Clarke starts reading another book Aurora pulled out of her backpack, this one about pirates.

I pretend to listen, but continue to watch Clarke with awe. I'm not quite sure how she weaseled her way into my heart, but yet here she is. I have always been focused on my work; Clarke was just another way to get ahead. At first all she was was a pretty girl who could buy me a promotion. But then, I spent with time with her. I got to know her little habits, like how she does laundry on every other Tuesday, never puts the toothpaste cap back on, and how she tries to remain neutral about her job, but how she cried for a full hour when she lost a patient.

I know how she is incredibly strong, but how she's not as strong as she pretends.

But now, I have many more problems on my hands. If I keep quiet, I'm in agony. If I do say something to her, she may just back out of the deal, and then where will I be?

How am I every going to deal with this?


	12. Chapter 12

The next few months go by incredibly quickly, and before I know it, there's only two weeks before my wedding. Thankfully, the wedding planner Bellamy hired was very good at their job, and all of the details were completely taken care of. I had my dress (I did decide to go with my grandma's dress, plus a few alterations), the bridesmaid's all had theirs, we had a delicious caterer (Bellamy and I both decided Italian was the way to go), a beautiful church venue, flower arrangements, and of course, a kicking reception planned.

I was actually looking forward to the wedding. There was no real pressure put on me, and I got to have a giant party with all of my loved ones.

Bellamy, on the other hand, was acting real skittish every time the wedding came up in conversation, mostly when it was just us two. I think he was a little nervous about pulling it off, which I can sort of understand. I mean, lying in front of all of the people you know is pretty hard, but people are so focused on what they think they know, so as long as you don't do anything too odd, they won't notice.

Over the course of the next week, Bellamy stops by my work nearly every day. Sometimes it's to bring me flowers, or lunch, or a random little gift like a pair of earrings that reminded him of me. And when he doesn't stop by, he calls to say he loves and misses me.

Part of it makes me laugh a little, because it seems like he's laying it on a bit thick, but then my coworkers comment on how loving and dedicated he is, and I know that he's doing it for a specific reason.

Things go off without a hitch and seem completely normal with us. That is, until the day of the rehearsal dinner.

It's a Friday night, so I come home after work to find Bellamy already there, which is odd considering I'm usually home first. "Hey, Bell, you're off work early."

He doesn't even look up from his spot on the couch where he is reading something, I'm not quite sure what, when he replies. "Took off early cause I wasn't feeling so well."

"Getting cold feet about our wedding?" I joke. When he doesn't reply, I take the hint.

"I'm going to go take a shower and change and then we can go together to the rehearsal dinner, unless you'd rather go separately."

He shakes his head. "No, we can go together."

I shower numbly and towel dry myself as quickly as possible. I don't feel well like Bellamy either, but it's not a physical thing. My chest tightens and my mouth grows dry at the idea that this could all be called off. I wish if he were going to change his mind, he would just tell me now and not make a scene of it later at the reception, which it seems like he might be.

I pull out my rehearsal dinner dress, a form fitting little red number that Octavia had specifically picked out when we went shopping several weeks back. "Bellamy will see red." She giggled somewhat maniacally when she pulled it out.

I sigh as I zip myself up. If this was over, at least I was going to look damn good.

The car ride to the rehearsal dinner is completely silent. Bellamy stares out the window with a vacant expression, and I decide not to interrupt him, instead focusing all my energy on pretending for people. Pretending Bellamy and I are a couple, pretending that I'm not about to get dumped, pretending I'm okay.

The actual practice goes really well. Everyone does what their supposed to, and I actually find myself enjoying it. It's amazing to have all my loved ones in one place, and see how they all interact. Wells immediately gets along well with all my doctor friends, and I love seeing Monty hit it off with Bellamy's best man, Nathan. I even find myself smiling and hugging my mom with sincerity when she arrives. Bellamy's parent side is completely empty, and I see how that silently breaks his and Octavia's hearts, and realize how I need to make the most of the time I do have with her.

As I peak over to Bellamy during the faux ceremony, I notice he's loosened up a little, and he's even smiling. Maybe things will be okay.

We have the dinner at the place Bellamy and I had our first date at, in a large, private room in the back. Surrounded by my friends and family, and sipping red wine, I feel so content. After we eat, Bellamy surprisingly stands up, and taps his glass with his knife. "I'd like to say a few words, if I can."

I take a deep breath, here it goes. I am finally giving the speech I have been writing for the past couple weeks; I finally telling Clarke how I really feel. I just hope she realizes that I'm not acting this is how I feel.

"When I first met Clarke, I was career obsessed workaholic. You can say we met by chance, but I know that it was meant to be." I look over at her, she's smiling, a rosy glow about her. I take this as a good sign.

"At first it didn't mean much to me, but slowly she grew on me. After spending time with her, I learned about her caring heart, her strength and courage, and even how silly she could be." I pause as several people laugh, obviously knowing some of her antics.

"Clarke," I turn and face her, staring deep into her blue eyes. "you are the most beautiful woman I have ever your happy, when your sad, when you're exhausted from a long shift, or when you won't shut up about the latest Hey Monea album. From the times I am wake up next to you, or when you dance around our apartment in your college sweats and an old tee, I know you're the one for me."

A smile remains on her face, but I don't think she quite gets it yet. "I am ready to spend the rest of my life with you. Whatever you need, I'll be there for you." I drop my voice slightly, aimed more for just her. "Clarke, I love you."

I see her eyes calculating, and I wait for maybe a hint of surprise or astonishment when she realizes I am not lying or faking. Instead, she stands up and grabs my hands. "Bellamy, I love you too." She leans forward and kisses me firmly, and with that kiss I die a little.

I was hoping she would understand what I was saying, and would return the sentiment, even if just in a small way. I was hoping I wouldn't have to directly confront her about it. But yet, after my speech, she remains just as clueless about my feelings, and so I have no choice but to tell her, no matter the consequences.

A few of the wedding party start to trickle away, ready to get back to their hotels after their long drives or flights. Soon, all that's left is Bellamy, Octavia (Lincoln took the kids back to the hotel), Raven, Wells, and I. They're cleaning up a few things and planning a couple last minutes details for the wedding tomorrow when Bellamy pulls me aside.

"Hey Clarke, can we talk real quick?" My stomach turns. I knew it would happen eventually tonight, I guess I just sort of hoped with all the fun that he'd change his mind.

"Yeah, of course." I smile politely. He leads us out into the hallway, his expression concentrated. He pauses a moment, looking at me silently.

"Clarke, do you want to marry me?" He blurts out. "What?" I ask, confused. This wasn't exactly what I was expecting him to say. "Bellamy, we've already been over this. We have a deal."

He shakes his head. "That's not what I mean. I mean do you want to marry me, or do you think you'd regret it?" I don't respond, not really sure how to.

"I'm giving you an out." He says finally. "If you don't want to marry me, if you want out of our deal, I'll let you. You don't have to go through with it. I can make up some excuse, make it my fault."

So this is his tactic, make me think it was my idea to end it? "Isn't that what you want, Bellamy? Just say it, you're the one who wants out." I turn it on him. Slight confusion fills his face. "No-"

I roll my eyes. "Of course you want out. You've been withdrawn the past few months, you don't want to talk about the wedding, you barely look at me or talk to me, you've mentioned several times how you want to spend your life with the woman you love. It's fine, Bellamy. I understand that you want that, that you don't want to wait. You want to find your one now." I pause, my head reeling, putting it all in place.

"Unless you've already found her." His eyes widen. "That's it, isn't it?" I try not to feel hurt at the realization that Bellamy's found someone else, someone he really loves. "You've found some other woman, and now you can't believe you were almost married to me, and you want to fix it as soon as possible." I breathe in, and turn away from him for a moment, collecting myself.

"Just tell me who she is. Tell me that you'll be happy." I know part of this will mean that I won't probably see or interact with Bellamy again, and I will miss him, but if he's happy, it's worth it.

"Clarke," He grabs my forearms gently. "I am happy, because I have found her. I'm happy, because I found you. Clarke, it's you who I love, not some other woman. What I said tonight at dinner, I meant every word of it. I love you, and I want our relationship to be real."

My throat nearly closes; I can't believe the words I'm hearing. "What?" I ask softly.

He looks into my eyes sincerely, and suddenly I can't believe I didn't notice it before. The looks he's been giving me, the way he's been very caring, how he has been attentive to me. "How long has this been going on?" I ask, my eyes meeting his.

He sighs. "Since your parents house." I gape at him. "That's been months ago!"

"Clarke, I love you, and I know that what I feel for you is real. It's just taken a long time for me to process it, and I didn't want to make things weird between us. But I can't hold it in anymore, and I knew I had to tell you. That's why I've been so withdrawn, I've been thinking it all through and what I would say. And I knew I had to give you a choice, because I couldn't bare to see you unhappy."

My mouth opens, but no words come out.

He takes my hands. "I know this is very unorthodox, but Clarke, all I'm asking is that you give me a chance. And if you can't do it, we don't have to get married, or we can divorce. Whatever you need."

Suddenly I can't breathe, my head is overloaded, and I'm not feeling so good. Before I think too much about it, I turn and bolt.


	13. Chapter 13

I try not to break down immediately as I realize Clarke is running away. Goddamn is it hard though. I watch as she runs down the hallway and know I can't go after her. If this is the decision she wants to make, I have to let her.

If I try to force into something she doesn't want or overwhelm her with my feelings, she could back out completely. I would rather marry her and have her never feel anything for me than lose her. I don't want to be without her, I don't know if I can. I love her, I really do.

I run my hand through my hair and fall against the wall. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. I collect myself and go back into the room, where the others wait.

"Where'd Clarke go?" Octavia asks, confused at the lack of her by my side. "She, uh, had to leave." I make up an excuse lamely. They eye me suspiciously, but don't pry.

"Is she okay?" Concern paints Wells' face as he asks. "Yeah, yeah, she's okay. She just needed a little time by herself. You know how she is when it comes to relationships." He nods, immediately understand where I was going with that.

"I'm just going to give her some time, let her cool off." I say, mostly to myself.

After I make sure that everyone is getting to their homes or hotels safely, I sit in my car and call Clarke.

"C'mon, Clarke, c'mon." I shake my leg nervously.

"Hello you've reached Clarke Grffin, please leave a message!"

"Dammit!" I punch the steering wheel. I try her again, and again, and again, but there's not answer. I can understand she wants her space, but hell, she doesn't have a ride home and I'm worried about her.

How's she supposed to get there, the subway? It's late and dangerous and - fuck! I punch the wheel again.

What am I supposed to do? I don't want to leave her stranded.

You know what, whatever. I'll just go home and she can figure it out herself, she made it clear she needed some space.

I unlock our - my apartment and turn off the lights. "Clarke? Are you here?" There's no answer, so I start looking around, and soon realize it's empty.

Where the hell could she have gone? I pace for a considerable amount of time and call Clarke again, this time leaving a voicemail.

"Clarke, I don't know where you are, but please come home. Or at least tell me that you're okay. If you need me to send someone to pick you up, I will. If you want me to leave you alone, I told you, I will. But please, tell me that you're alright."

I change out of my suit, and then sit on my bed in my boxers and undershirt, trying not to feel desperate and alone.

I drift off into sleep for probably about 20 minutes, when I'm awoken by my cellphone going off. Clarke's name flashes across the screen. "Clarke!" I answer the phone immediately.

"Bellamy." Her voice is soft, calm. My heart clenches.

"Where are you?" I ask, trying not to sound as desperate as I feel.

"I'm at a hotel; I made it there safe, don't worry." I smile sadly. "Good."

"I won't back out, Bellamy." She says softly. "I'll be there tomorrow, and I'll get married to you."

I hold the phone away from myself for a second as I pump my fist. "Good." I smile as I reply.

"But Bellamy, we need to talk at some point, figure out what this means for us." I nod. "Of course, of course. I understand."

 

As I finish talking with Bellamy, I shut the door behind me and turn off my phone. "Okay, I'm all yours." I whisper quietly to the figure laying in the bed in front of me.


	14. Chapter 14

The sun hits my eyes brightly, and at first I'm disoriented and confused, but then I remember. Today's the day! I'm getting married today! I roll out of bed and hop right into the shower. Clarke may not feel for me the way I feel for her, but we're still getting married and I just can't wait to see her in that beautiful dress.

Several hours later after I've double checked the booking for our honeymoon and plane tickets, gotten dressed, and checked on the status of the caterer, I arrive at the church with the rest of the groomsmen.

I know I still have a little while before the ceremony begins, so I bide my time thinking of what I'll say to Clarke when I get her alone. In order to make everything work between us, I know I will ultimately have to stifle my feelings. To what degree, I don't know.

I'm unsure of how uncomfortable she is with the idea of us, and if her feelings will ever change. Sometimes when someone doesn't like another person, it's because the timing is wrong. Sometimes it's due to personal issues. But other times, it's just because that person isn't the one for them; they just don't connect.

What if Clarke and I just aren't meant to be? What if we don't really fit each other, but I just think we do? Am I pursuing something that's irrelevant and pointless?

Apparently my worry is present on my face, because Miller sits down beside me and says, "Don't worry, Blake, you aren't making a mistake. I know you two love each other very much, and you are meant to be together. It's just nerves." He pats me on the shoulder and gives me a reassuring smile. I return it, but only halfheartedly, because it's hard to feel reassured when the person doesn't know what you problem actually is.

But before I know it, my doubts are drowned in thoughts of Clarke and the wedding and just how excited I am. I am ready for this.

"And do you, Bellamy Blake, take Clarke Griffin to be your lawfully wedded wife?" I look deeply into Clarke's eyes and smile brightly. Our relationship isn't ideal, I'm not sure how she feels about me, I'm not sure how this will work, or what tomorrow will bring, but I know one thing: I love her. All the other stuff, that's just minor details. She's what matters.

"I do." Clarke's eyes meet mine, and I sense something in them, something beyond the pretense that I'm not quite sure of. She smiles, which only causes me to widen mine even more.

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." The officiator announces and Clarke and I close the distance between us. Our lips meet passionately as I take her face in my hands.

The reception goes exactly how I thought it would. Everyone was dancing and happy, drinking a little, and just having a good time. Clarke and I have to kiss many times, not that I'm complaining, and we dance together too.

I watch as she laughs hysterically at Jasper and Monty trying to teach her a new dance they made up. She attempts to emulate the moves, failing miserably and cracking up at it. She is legitimately enjoying herself, it's not hard to tell. I smile. It's good to see she's having fun.

As the reception comes to a close and guests trickle out, Clarke and I get ready to leave for our honey moon. A few of the wedding party volunteered to help clean things up so we could get a head start to the ski resort in Verbier. After all, travelling to Switzerland will take a little while.

"Are you ready to head out, Clarke?" I move to rest my hand on her arm, but pull back, unsure of how to approach her. "Yes!" She says excitedly. I still haven't told her where we are going, I'm looking forward to her reaction when she realizes we are going to one of her dream vacation spots. It is just a week we will have there, but even still, it will be worth it.

We find our seats on the plane with relative ease, and adjust ourselves as we wait to take off. "So Bellamy, the ticket and the announcements say we're going to Switzerland?" I nod, grinning. "That's correct, I wonder where on earth we could be going to in Switzerland." I say mischievously. I watch as the gears turn in her head, and then it dawns on her. "Bellamy, you didn't!" She squeals and hugs me sideways from her seat. "I can't believe you are taking me to Verbier!"

I can't help the grin on my face. "I remembered when you said that you always wanted to go skiing there, so I knew it was the perfect honeymoon spot." A shy smile paints her face. "Bellamy, that was so thoughtful."

I consider for a moment of how to respond. Do I play with the charade, or speak from the heart? I lean in closer so no one can overhear. "Clarke, I just want you to be happy. I hope that it can be with me, but if it's not..."

She purses her lips, and leans in too. "Bellamy, you do make me happy. I'm - I -" She pauses, flustered. "I don't know how to express what I feel for you. Especially with the threat of someone overhearing at any moment." She pauses and collects her thoughts. "Just know I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

I feel my heart lift at her words. Perhaps - I shake off any overly optimistic thoughts. I can't assume that everything will work out perfectly between us. I need to give her time.

By the time we get off the plane and take a cab to the resort, both Clarke and I are feeling pretty groggy and jet lagged. We did sleep some on the 12 hour flight, but that doesn't stop the pure exhausted feeling. It's about 10 in the morning when we arrive, and we decide we feel like just heading to our room and relaxing for a while.

"Hey Bellamy, can we order room service? I'm starving and sick of plane food." Clarke calls from the bathroom where she is changing from her travel clothes.  
"What are you in the mood for?" I ask as I pull out the menu. "Meat or something like that."

I flip through casually and locate the entrees. "How about steak?"

"Oooo steak! That sounds perfect." She walks out a few moments later a pair of navy leggings and a long white sweater. I open my mouth to compliment her, but close it moments later, still unsure of how she feels about me expressing affection.

She scrunches her face. "See, Bellamy, you don't have to do that." I raise my eyes innocently. "Do what?"

She rolls her eyes. "Go to say something about me then stop because you're afraid of how I'll react."

"Look, I just don't want to make you uncomfortable." She smiles softly. "You aren't." I open and close my mouth again, this time because I'm unsure of what to say.

"Let me order us food, okay? Then maybe we can talk about this." I say finally.

Minutes after our food has been ordered, Clarke and I sit across each other on the bed, sipping vodka and cranberry juice from the minibar.

"I'm sorry I ran away when you confessed your feelings." Clarke says eventually, her head down, eyes not meeting me. "It's okay." I reply with a sigh. "You just fucking scared me. I didn't know what you were thinking or if you were going to just leave, or where you were going to go. You didn't have a car, and I was worried something could have happened to you."

She smiles briefly. "Sorry. I should have thought that through a little more." I laugh a little. "Yeah."

She sobers up for a moment. "It's just, I'm not good with feelings or knowing how to deal with people." She runs her hands through her hair and sighs. "You know about my dad, and then the situation with Finn. After that it became really hard to trust people. It just felt like anyone who would love me would leave me. Hell, my ex Lexa broke up with me because she said I couldn't commit to anything serious." She laughs forcefully. "You can imagine her surprise when she found out I was getting married."

I nod sincerely. I can't imagine what to even say to her as advice. You can't change what someone feels because of there experiences with just a few words. Clarke looks up at me, her blue eyes shiny with tears. "And then you came along Bellamy. You were someone who at first I didn't have feelings for, but I knew I would be with for a long time because of our arrangement. I'd be lying if I said I didn't find myself attracted to you," she giggles. "I mean, look at you." I blush a little at that. "And I think I feel something for you, but the fact that in a sense I'm tied to you really scares me." She sighs. "I'm working on it, I am, but it's still a little weird to think that even if I do like you, it's not going to move slowly, we're already married, there's no real backing out." She huffs. "It just seems like everything is so backwards."

I laugh. "Clarke, I completely understand. I get why this is so weird for you, I mean, it's weird for me too." I grab her hands. "But I want to try to make this work, or at least see where it goes." She nods. An idea hits me.

"Why don't we start over?" I ask excitedly. "What do you mean?" Her eyebrow crinkles.

"Why don't we pretend that this is the beginning of our relationship, let's forget that we're married for now, and start at the beginning of a relationship."  
"What about what everyone else will think?" She asks. I shrug. "They can think whatever they want. I think it'll just look like we're falling in love all over again."

She smiles tentatively. "I think I'd like that." At her approval, I stand up, and face her with sincerity. "Clarke Grffin, will you go on a date with me?" I'm sure my face is painted with a huge, cheesy grin. This is more than I could have asked for.

She dissolves into a fit of giggles. "I'm pretty sure my name is Clarke Griffin-Blake now." I'm amidst an eye roll when there is a knock on the door. "Room service!" A voice calls out.

"I'll get it." I make a move toward the door. "Wait!" Clarke bounces up off the bed and quickly unbuttons my shirt, then runs her hands quickly through my hair, fluffing it considerably. "We're a married couple on our honeymoon, remember?" She says slyly. I grin and walk to the door.

"Two steaks, one medium-well and the other medium-rare, fettuccine, a bottle of champagne, and two cheesecakes." The waitress lists off the items, looking down. My grin still on my face, I nod. "That's right." She looks up at me, takes in my disheveled appearance, and blushes slightly. "Do you want me to charge it to your room, or...?"

"Yes please." I say quickly as I pull the cart into the room. "Thank you." I pat her on the shoulder as I hand her a twenty. "Uh, yes. No problem. Enjoy your honeymoon."

I shut the door behind me, and see Clare's already digging into the food ravenously. When she notices me giving her a look, she shrugs with a smile. "I was hungry."

I laugh. "Yeah, looks like it." I point to her already half-eaten steak. She hasn't even bothered to use silverware, she's just biting it like a carnivore. "You know the way you're eating, it seems like we are working up an appetite having sex."

She rolls her eyes at me, but I can see the slight rosiness in her cheeks. "Shut up."

 

The next few days are fairly uneventful, besides having our first date, we hit the slopes while it's light out, then retire to our room and watch TV or read or just hang out. I relish in the fact that we even sleep in the same bed, sometimes even curled up together.

At times Clarke seems a little perturbed by something, like she doesn't quite know what to say about it, but I brush it off as her hesitation to be in a relationship.

Mostly, we just spend time together, and I can feel her opening up to the idea of us even more.

"Well, unfortunately, it doesn't look like we're going outside today." I say as I look out the window and double check on my phone. "Looks like a blizzard is going to hit fairly shortly."

Clarke jumps up from her spot on the couch and comes over to the window beside me. "Really?" She frowns. "This is our last day here and I wanted to get another day of skiing in."

I sigh, turning to face her. "Sadly, it looks like we'll have to make other plans." She sighs and flops down on the bed. "Uggghhhh." I hold in a laugh as I sit beside her.

"Well, do you at least want me to order breakfast?" I ask. She nods vigorously from her spot face down on the sheets. "Please, Bell." "Alright." I grab the phone and dial room service. Holding the phone to my chest, I ask her, "Pancakes?" "With chocolate chips please."

As we dig into our food, Clarke starts moaning. "Oh my god." She says between bites. "This is just so good." I breathe slowly, trying to control myself. A bit of syrup runs off the pancake and onto her finger, which she sticks in her mouth and sucks off. When she finally removes it from her mouth, it comes out with a 'pop.' Before I can think better of it, I'm moving closer to her and kissing her.

She doesn't respond back, so I immediately pull back. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that." I don't look up to see her reaction. She's still for a moment, then her hands grab my face as she pulls me back in. "Don't be."

And then I'm being enveloped in her. I taste the sweetness of the syrup and chocolate.

She leads me up and presses me against the wall, and then I can feel every inch of her pressed up against me. I pull away for a second, breathing heavy. "Clarke," My voice has gotten about two octaves deeper. "We don't have to do anything, but if we keep going like this..." She smiles seductively. "I know."

She sheds her shirt, leaving her in a bra and jeans. "I want this." She runs her fingers painfully slowly over the bulge in my jeans. "And it seems like you want this too." I shiver and mutter out a choked confirmation.

She kneels, unzipping my pants. "Bellamy, you've spent so much time making sure I'm happy, now I want to make you happy."

A half hour later, after I've returned the favor and watched Clarke come undone under my tongue, we lay in bed, mostly naked. Clarke's breathing is still evening out, and I watch her chest rise and fall. "You good?" I ask. We never talked about physical boundaries in our relationship, and I want to be sure I didn't cross any.

She looks over at me and grins wolfishly. "Very." She pushes her hair out of her face as she closes her eyes.

"That was...very good." She turns toward me, her eyes still half shut. "Will you hold me? I want to take a quick nap." I oblige and wrap my arms around her, and shortly sleep finds me too.


	15. Chapter 15

Ahhh, feels good to be home, doesn't it?" Clarke says brightly as we open the doors to the apartment. I smile even though I'm exhausted as I set down on our luggage. I'm sure I'll take care of it later, but right now, all I want to do is sleep.

Clarke links her arm around mine. "We have a whole apartment to ourselves, whatever will we do, boyfriend?" I kiss her softly. "Sleep." She kisses my neck. "I had in mind something like that."

"Maybe." I smile tiredly. "I gotta check my messages first and see what I missed." Clarke pouts, but concedes. "I'll be in the bedroom." She starts strutting that way, then turns around briefly. "Don't be too long." I chuckle, wouldn't dream of it.

"You have eleven new messages." After checking all the messages on my workphone, I decide to check the home phone, but almost immediately regret it. How could there be so many damn messages? I sigh and hit play, putzing around the kitchen as I listen.

"Hello Miss Grffin, this is Karen Hart from the Embassy Suites, and I am calling to let you know that you or your guest forgot a phone charger in your room," My slam down the glass of water I was sipping and walk over to the phone, my stomach turning, as if proximity will help clear up the confusion and disbelief I have at what I'm hearing. Guest? Clarke wasn't alone? "And I thought you might want it back. Call back at ..." The voice drones on, but I don't, I can't hear anything it's saying. You or your guest? Feelings of anger and jealousy and hurt turn in my head. I can't think clearly. What is going on?

I play the message again, making sure I heard everything correctly. After the third time listening to the whole message, I know that I'm not misunderstanding. Clarke wasn't alone. I repeat those words over and over.

How could she not tell me? I try to think coherently. We weren't in a relationship at that point, not really. We were about to be married though, and that was right after she knew about my feelings. How could she?

I pause. Who's to say it wasn't a friend she had in there? Maybe she invited Raven or Wells with her so she wouldn't have to be alone? I breath in and out. I'm sure that's it, I'm probably just overreacting due to jealousy. But why didn't she mention it then? Why didn't she tell me that someone was with her?

Too confused by my own feelings, I know that there's only one way to know. I have to ask her.

"Clarke?" After what seemed liked an eternity of waiting, Bellamy has finally decided to come to bed. "Finally." I say breathily. He walks through the door, and I immediately notice his face isn't one of pleasure or excitement, he looks like he's in pain.

"What's wrong?" Concern paints my face. Did someone die, or -

"Who were you with the night before our wedding?" I'm sure the color drains out of my face. "Shit, Bellamy, let me explain." I scramble to think of the best way to say it.

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because Bellamy crosses his arms, his brow furrowed. "Yes, please, explain, Clarke."

"Fuck." I whisper. "Okay, so I was feeling very confused that night and alone and I just wanted - " Bellamy's jaw clenches. "You just wanted to fuck someone?" He all but growls. "No,Bell, I swear, it wasn't like that." I panic. He raises his eyebrows. "You didn't have someone with you so you could fuck?" His tone is no less friendly than moments before. "Well, at first that's what I was planning on doing - "

"Oh my god, shut the fuck up." I feel like he's slapped me, and I am speechless for a moment. "You were planning on having sex. I don't want your excuses." He turns out the door.

I chase after him, and grab him on the arm. "But I didn't Bellamy!" The tears are streaming down my face, in anger and sadness. "I was going to, but I couldn't!" He pauses, breathing heavy, but doesn't look at me.

"I couldn't sleep with her, because I kept thinking about you."

"Lexa?" He asks. "Yes," I nod. "But I told her to leave, we didn't do anything but kiss. I couldn't do it." I'm begging now, for what, I don't know, but I can't handle Bellamy's wrath.

He sighs, thinking. "You almost slept with your ex the night before our wedding."

"But I didn't!" I say for the umpteenth time.

"I've gotta go." He says, pulling away and walking toward the door. "No, Bellamy, don't go!" I try to grab his arm, but he brushes me off. "This is your apartment, where are you going?" He shoots me a withering gaze. "Maybe I'll go sleep at my ex's." I burst out in sobs at his comment. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Bellamy, I mean it. You know it's different now, I'm different now."

He shakes his head. "I need some time to think right now." I can't help but feel like this is karma for when I left the night before our wedding. "When will you be back?" He shakes his head again. "I don't know."

I don't put up a fight as he leaves, instead I fall against the door, crying. How could I have fucked this up?

Monday morning when I go to work, I am swarmed with a mob of nurses and techs who want to know how my honeymoon was. Thankfully, I manage to keep it together and spin a lovely story about our time in Switzerland.

Moments after everyone returns to work, Raven appears at my side. "Okay, what's wrong. I can see something's upsetting you, you can't fool me. What happened?" I shake my head. I really don't want to get into it. "Did he hurt you?" A protective streak rises up in her. I shake my head again. "What's wrong, please tell me." She insists. "I want to help you, Clarke."

I sigh, and sit down in a chair in the break room. "I fucked up, major." I put my head in my hands. "I did something I shouldn't have, and I've taken advantage of Bellamy's great love for me, and I've been selfish, and blind, and so stupid."

Raven sits beside me and rubs my back. "I'm sure you'll work it out, sweetie. Like you said, Bellamy loves you a lot. He'll listen to what you say, just talk to him about it."

I wipe the tears that keep slipping from my eyes. "He hasn't been home since Saturday when we got home. He won't answer his phone." The shock is evident on Raven's face, but she pulls a neutral expression in seconds. "Do you want me to do some digging? I've actually been seeing that one friend of Bellamy's and I can - " "Wick?" I interrupt her. "I knew it!" I laugh, temporarily happy. "I saw the way you looked at each other at the wedding." She rolls her eyes, but smiles. "I'm glad your happy, Raven." I smile sadly. She moves a stray hair away from my face. "I'll casually ask him if he's heard anything from Bellamy, get some clues." I nod. "That would be wonderful. Thanks, Ray."

 

The week passes by slowly, and I stay in the apartment that now seems way to big. I pour myself a big glass of wine and start a doodle of a man that before long turns into Bellamy.

I'm miserable. I can't stop thinking about him, and how foolish I was to not be honest with him. And with myself.

It's obvious to me now that I love him. It's so obvious, that I can't believe I didn't realize it before. I let my past and my own hesitations block me from possibly the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

"Ugh." I plop down on the couch and turn on Netflix to Friends. I just need to laugh.

Chandler is about to get everything but his girlfriend's underwear stolen from him from my phone starts ringing. I pause it quickly, and pickup.

"Hello?" There is a distinct pause. "It's good to hear your voice, Clarke."

"Bellamy?" I nearly cry.  
"Yeah." He replies calmly.

"I miss you." I try to match his tone, but I can't help but let my desperation leak out of my voice. "I wish you would come back. At least talk to me."

He sighs. "I'm talking to you now."

"You know what I mean." I bite my lip. "I love you." I blurt out.

I can sense his surprise, and before he replies, I hear a knock on the door. "Hold on one moment, someone's at the door." I hurriedly answer the door, the phone clutched tightly in my hand, anxious for his reply.

I open the door, and in the hallway stands Bellamy, holding the phone is hand, looking at me with something that's akin to hope. "Bell-" His name can't even escape from my lips as he pulls me closer and brings my face to his.


	16. Chapter 16

Bellamy pulls away nearly right after kissing me. "I shouldn't have done that." He takes a step back and runs his hands through his hair. 

I bite my lip, unsure what to do. "I missed you." Tears well up in my eyes. "I'm sorry." 

Bellamy nods slowly, face somber. "I - can we have this conversations inside?" I nod immediately, "yeah, of course. Come in." The irony of me inviting Bellamy into his own apartment does not miss me. 

We tentatively walk in together, and sit on the couch. "Would you like a glass of -" 

"I don't know if I can forgive you, Clarke." Bellamy interjects abruptly. 

I feel like I've punched in the gut. "Bellamy I-"

"Let me finish, please." He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. "I know I shouldn't be upset about the whole Lexa thing as I am. Yes, you lied to me, but it's not like it was stipulated in our arrangement that you couldn't be with other people as long as you were discrete." Bellamy pauses, but doesn't look me in the eye. "But I'm hurt. That hurt me. That you would have rather been with someone else than me, the night before our wedding, after I had told you how I feel. The fact that you were just going to push that away and not tell me hurt even more. So I just don't know if I be with you right now." 

I fall back against the couch. "Bellamy." I whisper. 

He sighs. "I'm not saying we have to get divorced. And I think I will be able to forgive you and we can move on, just not right now."

"Where does that leave us for now?" I wipe away a tear from cheek. 

"Back to before." Bellamy says softly but with resolve. "We go back to pretending." 

"Okay, okay." I nod. I can handle back to before. It'll be hard, but I can handle it.

 

The day passes in uncomfortable silence between myself and Bellamy, so when night rolls around, I pour myself a tall glass of wine and find an over sized sweater of Bellamy's to sleep in, just like I had been doing the past week. Although Bellamy is finally back in the apartment, he might as well not be. 

 

After a week of minimal conversations and muted body language, I'm desperately missing Bellamy. He stays at work as late as he can, goes into work early, and even on the weekends sometimes. He says he's been busy working on different projects, but I know the truth is that he wants to avoid me. I just wish there was some way to get his attention.

 

I glance over at the clock on the living room wall. It's eleven o'clock, Bellamy should be home by now regardless of the time, but especially considering it's a Saturday. I take a walk around the apartment yet again, seeing if there's anything I can organize, look through, or clean. Of course there's not, I just cleaned apartment not two hours ago when I thought Bellamy would be coming home soon. 

As I am about to pour myself a glass of water from the tap, the door jingles and Bellamy's tall frame saunters through the door. He sets his brief case on the kitchen counter without even venturing to look at me. I stare at his face as it clearly paints a picture of exhaustion. Small worry lines are etched into his brow, his lips pursed. His eyes face completely forward in resolution. Even in his complete hatred of me, he's beautiful.

"How was work?" I smile at him like a doting wife would. 

"It was fine." Bellamy doesn't look up at me while he flips through today's mail. 

"Is that why you were in until 11 o'clock at night? Because things were fine?" Frustration is apparent in my voice, but it's glazed in sickly sweetness.

Bellamy looks at me for the first time in several days, but the look in his eyes is unlike anything I've seen before. There is nothing, no passion or anger or anything.

"Yep." He looks away from me as soon as he starts talking. 

A nerve in me snaps. "Goddammit, Bellamy Blake, stop ignoring me!" I walk over to him. 

Bellamy crosses his arms, looking me in the eyes. "Get out of my face, Clarke."

"No." I cross my arms, mirroring him. "You're clearly upset, you are frustrated, you hate me, whatever. Can you just show it? Can you just yell at me? Just fucking show some goddamn emotion."

Bellamy says nothing. 

"Are you afraid to be happy, is that it? Afraid I'm going to hurt you or leave? Or maybe you just have really poor confrontational skills? Your parents must have messed you up real bad. Absent father, dead mother -"

Bellamy brow furrows as he interrupts me. "You leave my fucking parents out of this, Clarke." 

I dig my heels in further. "I'm right, aren't I? You can't connect well with people, so you throw yourself into your work instead." 

Bellamy takes a step closer to me. "You don't know my goddamn life, Clarke. You don't know me. But I know you, and I know that if anyone is afraid to connect with people, it's you. Finn messes you up and so you self sabotage any chance of happiness you get." 

My blood boils. "Fuck you Bellamy." Just as the words are out my mouth our bodies move closer in perfect sync and our lips crash into each other. Every bit of anger that we have toward each other is being directed into our physical contact. 

I grab Bellamy's jaw, bringing him closer and the sudden closeness of him when he has been so far away hits me and then just kissing isn't enough. I need him on top of me, I need him inside me. 

As I begin pulling off his jacket, he starts to suck on my collarbone and any sort of tender care I was taking is thrown out the window and I start ripping open his clothes as best I can. "Oh my god, Bellamy." 

He pauses for as second to remove my shirt and as soon as I step out of my shorts, Bellamy is pushing me against the wall, and then he's inside me and oh my god I'm seeing stars. 

 

My chest is still heaving when Bellamy rolls out of bed and slips on a pair of boxers. "Would you like some food?" After several rounds of furiously fucking each other, my stomach is starting to grumble. "Mmmm, yes." 

Bellamy and I are silent as we eat our torta, but this kind of silence is different then it was before. This is good silence. While we still need to talk about what fucking each other's brains out means for us, I think we are going to be okay.


	17. Chapter 17

The next day, Clarke and I calmly go about our business without mentioning sleeping together. I'm not quite sure where we at, but more so, I'm not sure where I want us to be. My feelings for Clarke are complicated. very complicated. I have strong feelings for her still, but my logical side is against trying to forge a relationship. I've spent so long by myself that I'm not sure if I can work with someone else. Clarke is wonderful, she's exuberant, and she balances me, and and she's gorgeous and smart and caring and I love her, but will we work out? I can't know. Maybe if I had known her outside of this setup, maybe if we didn't have the pressure of being married. But maybes aren't concrete, and there's no way to know. All I know is that we have to keep moving forward. 

 

Next Monday morning, I go into work a little earlier than normal. Before, I left early in order to avoid Clarke because I was upset with her. Now, I leave because we are at a spot where clearly we can't talk about what we are to each other. There has been more than one kind of tension between us lately, and all the tension has caused me to throw myself into work. 

When I walk into the office and sit down at my desk, there is hardly anyone else here. I pull out my brief case, and get started on my mound of paperwork. 

Around 9:30, there is a knock on my door. 

"Come in."

The door opens and in comes Anya Soka, the current CFO and head of the Board of Directors. "Mr. Blake, do you have a moment." I stand up immediately. "Of course." 

"Mr. Blake, I'll get right to it. The Board of Directors has been discussing the next successor to Indra as soon as she announced that she would be stepping down at the end of the year. However, because her wife's health has declined yet again, Indra is stepping down at the end of the month." 

My jaw drops. Everything has started moving very fast. 

"Mr. Blake, because of your work experience and ethic in this company, you were a natural candidate. And now with your marriage we see that you are someone who can commit. We would like to offer you the position of CEO." 

 

As I'm sitting down for lunch, my phone rings. "Hey Bellamy." I answer. 

Bellamy pauses for a second on the other side of the phone. "Clarke, how would you like to go out for dinner tonight?" I raise an eyebrow. Bellamy and I haven't gone out in quite some time, not since we were "dating." Something must be up. 

"Of course, Bellamy. I get off work at 5:00 so any time after that." 

"Alright, how about 6:00, I'll swing by our apartment and pick you up and we can go to L'àncora after that." 

 

Bellamy's sudden dinner invitation has me confused, but also hopeful that maybe he wants to have the us conversation. I pull out a soft maroon colored backless dress that I've been saving for a special occasion. I smooth the material over me and smile. Tonight is going to perfect. 

 

As soon as I get into Bellamy's car, I'm overwhelmed by desire for him. He's still in his suit from today, and damn. I take a chance and lean in and kiss the corner of his jaw. Bellamy stiffens and pulls away. "Clarke..." 

I pull away. "You look nice." I whisper. Bellamy faces me and places a kiss on my forehead.  "Thank you." He pulls out of the driveway and we take off for L'àncora. 

I know something is wrong immediately because Bellamy has a look on his face like he has too many thoughts going on. We're halfway through our meal before he says anything. 

"Clarke, I got offered the promotion." 

 My heart drops. I understand exactly what he is implying. 

"I have appreciated all you have done for me." 

I am no longer needed. 

"I could not have done this without you." 

This is over. This is all over. 

 

Bellamy and I ride back to the apartment in silence. I'm sure we'll wait a few weeks before actually separating, but it doesn't matter. None of it matters. I knew our relationship had an expiration date, but I didn't think it'd be so soon. 

Bellamy pulls into the driveway and parks and we just sit their for a moment. "Bellamy, I -" Before I finish my sentence, Bellamy holds up a hand and cuts me off. "Clarke, I don't want to start this. It's been a long day, and I'm tired and I just want to go to sleep." 

I nod my head and hold back tears. "You know what, Bellamy, I think I'm actually going to spend the night in a hotel. I need to clear my head." Bellamy nods, resigned. "Okay." It hurts a little bit that he doesn't want me to stay, that he doesn't want me.

Bellamy gets out of the car and I sit in there for a second. Could he change his mind? 

But he doesn't, he continues walking toward the apartment and away from me. 

 

On my way to the hotel, I decide to stop at a liquor store and pick up a couple bottles of vodka and rum. All I want right now is Bellamy, but since I can't have him, I plan on getting monumentally shitfaced. 

I'm sure I look like quite a mess, checking into a hotel alone, only carrying a bag of alcohol, tears streaming down my face. I don't care. I feel like my life is slowly collapsing and I don't know what to do to stop it. I want Bellamy, I need him, I love him, but he's given up. He may have some feelings for me, but he doesn't want a relationship anymore. It's all too late, I missed my chance.

 

The following week passes in a haze. I go to work, I paint in my free time, and I apartment hunt while I stay in the spare room at Raven's apartment. I talk to Bellamy a handful of times, but our conversations are minimal. 

We tell people we are separated, that we don't plan on getting divorced, but I know the truth. What we had is over. Bellamy got what he wanted, he's a CEO. I got what I wanted, I am swimming in money. But do I even care? I would give up all the money and gifts and benefits if only I could Bellamy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, everytime I think I'm going to have a resolution to this story, it doesn't quite feel done lol
> 
> Thank you for continually reading!


	18. Chapter 18

Another week passes and before long, it's been a month since Bellamy and I separated. Wells and Raven keep recommending marital therapy, they keep saying that we can still fix this - but I don't know how to explain to them that we can't. I can't explain to them how this has all been a lie. Well, not all of it. Somewhere along the line Bellamy fell in love with me, and I fell in love with him. 

How can two people love each other and yet not be able to make it work? Have we hurt each other so deeply that we can't be together? I think back through all of the stupid shit I said, all the stupid shit I did, and how I felt justified in one way or another while saying or doing it. I still sort of feel justified. 

But that can't matter anymore. I truly want to be with Bellamy, and I can't do that if I am selfish or holding on so hard to being right. Relationships are all about compromise, right? 

 

 

It's been a long day in the office for me - but then again most days are. I've been working closely with Indra as she transitions out of the CEO position and I transition in, but it hasn't been the easiest task. There's all the mechanics of the rearrangement, meetings, organizing, not to mention all the paperwork. Oh god, the paperwork. 

I grab my briefcase and keys, and finally at 11:30 PM - head home.

 

The second I turns the knob to my apartment I know something is off. First of all, the lights are on, and I knows I turned them off. There's also a couple bottles of wine chilling in a bucket, and a pan left on the stove. Considering I haven't bought groceries since Clarke left, I know it can't be mine. 

I grab the closest weapon-like object I can - a broom - and creeps further into my apartment, waiting for an intruder. When I gets closer to the living room, I see a figure laying on my couch, golden hair splayed around her. 

"Clarke?!" I set down my broom and goes over to her side. "What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?" 

Clarke stirs, and then turns over and sits up. "Bellamy?" She rubs her eyes. 

"Yeah, it's me Clarke." I say somewhat annoyed. "I know you still have keys to my apartment, but I was sort of thinking that would only be so you could come get your stuff. So what the heck are you doing?" 

Clarke blushes sheepishly. "I was going to surprise you when you came back from work. I bought wine and made dinner because I know you've been working hard transitioning to CEO and I wanted to do something for you. Except then you weren't back when I thought you would be and I fell asleep." Clarke laughs slightly.

She bites her lip as her eyes start to water. "I'm so sorry, Bellamy. About everything. I made a lot of mistakes and wasn't good to you and you didn't deserve that." She sniffles. "I wish I could go back and change everything. I wish I had been more honest. I wish I would have fought for us." 

"You are fighting for us now, it seems like." I gesture to the kitchen. 

Clarke nods, tears slipping down her cheeks. "I should go." She gets up to leave, but I grab her hands and kiss her with all my pent up passion. 

"I miss you Clarke." I wrap my arms around her. I think of all the sleepless, lonely nights. I think of the lack of excitement I've had without her. I think of how much I miss her. 

"I want to try again." I whisper into her ear. "We both made mistakes. We both were cruel. But I want to give our relationship another try. For real, not for fake." 

A frenzy of passion hits both of us, and before we know it, both of us are stripping our clothes off. 

 

Clarke wastes no time to shove me down on the couch and start performing an erotic lap dance. The image of her grinding on me, twirling and pressing herself against me, touching herself, is almost enough to send me over the edge. 

After a few minutes of teasing me, she climbs on top of me, arms wrapping around my neck, legs wrapping around my sides. I pull her closer. This isn't just a sexual experience, it's almost spiritual. 

 

After satisfying our carnal needs, Clarke and I make our way to the kitchen where we heat up the grilled chicken and pasta Clarke had made earlier and feed it to each other playfully. 

"I love you Bellamy." Clarke rests her head up against my chest. "I love you too, Clarke." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost at the end, lovelies! If you are still reading, many thanks! I know this has been a looong journey. 
> 
> I plan on writing one more chapter: an epilogue. So at least you'll get a little bit more of an ending.


	19. Epilogue

"Clarke! Is your suitcase all ready?" Bellamy slips his suit jacket on as he calls to Clarke who's in the other room. 

Clarke slips out of their bedroom, wearing only a set of pure white lingerie and stockings. "Mmmhmm. I'm all packed and ready to go." Bellamy's eyes darken but he rolls them. "Clarke we really have to go. We're supposed to be at the church at 7:00, and it's 6:30 now." 

Clarke gives him a look as she puts a hand on the wall. "It only takes 10 minutes to get there, which gives us a good 15 ..." Bellamy shakes his head with a laugh. "We're not going to squeeze in a quickie. I love you but no. Let's grab our stuff and go to the church." 

Clarke pouts but then smiles and slips back into the bedroom. Moments later she reappears in a white flowy boho dress and a suitcase in her hand. "Let's go, Bellamy." 

 

"Do you, Clarke Blake swear to continue to love this man, Bellamy Blake, in sickness and health." Clarke takes a moment to glance through the intimate audience, just close family and friends. Her mom and Marcus smile, and she can see Octavia wiping away a tear from her eye. Wells and Raven grip each others hands tightly and Clarke's insides squeal at their newfound relationship. 

Then Clarke looks back to Bellamy and beams. This is the second time they've stood by an altar, but this time it is more real, more genuine. Over the past year and a half Clarke and Bellamy have given their relationship a chance, and in turn, they've fallen deeper and deeper into love. Of course, all the while they were married which certainly put them on a more unusual path than most couples. 

But Clarke wouldn't change a thing. Even though they met first, got married, and then fell in love, she would never ask for anything different. 

Bellamy gives her a knowing look and her heart soars. 

 

"I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the end! I can't believe we made it this far, friends!! 
> 
> What did you think? Was it satisfying enough??


End file.
